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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28954938">I Am Singing Now While Rome Burns (We Are All Just Trying To Be Holy)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/platonico/pseuds/platonico'>platonico</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Formula 1 RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Jos Verstappen's A+ Parenting, Kissing, M/M, Mention of Jules Bianchi's death, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Road Trips, Sex</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:42:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,899</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28954938</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/platonico/pseuds/platonico</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the summer break of 2018 season, Daniel decides to visit Rome and take Max along with him. It’s time to deal with some feelings.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>110</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This idea is born by the fact that I miss Rome. I have visited it four times and now that Miss Corona doesn’t permit me another trip, I decided to take Max and Daniel there, just to revive the beautiful things I’ve seen. </p>
<p>The journey is pretty much realistic (I’ve even searched an apartment on Booking.com, just with a bit of adjustment for the sake of the plot) and all the mentioned historical facts are true as well. I’ll add a link to photos whenever I describe a monument, so you can look it up straight away if you don’t know what I’m talking about! I’ve left the names in Italian because I don’t feel like translating them.</p>
<p>Also, just for plot, Daniel moved out of Monaco and currently lives in LA (I took it from that interview with Ziggo where Max said that Daniel doesn’t live in his same building anymore) and some important dates are moved forwards, but can’t say which ones eheheh.</p>
<p>Hope I’ll convince you to visit Rome as soon as possible, or even if you can’t, try to take you there with this fic. For the moment, stay safe and enjoy the reading.</p>
<p>(Title from the poem “Snow and Dirt” by Richard Siken &lt;3)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>2018</p><p> </p><p>It is the following week after Hungary when Max is taking a pee break after three consecutive hours of FIFA that his phone dings with a message on the kitchen table, so he makes a beeline to it instead of the couch, and looks at the screen.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daniel R.: Do u have a spare room for 1 night? I can even take the couch if u want :P [delivered 16:54]</strong>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>The content of the message surprises Max as much as his sender, and he stares at the phone until it goes black again, thinking it’s some twisted trick his mind made up. He looks at his reflection for a solid minute but then decides to unlock the phone, and the red notification on the Messages app stands there before his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Not a hallucination, then.</p><p> </p><p>He opens the conversation with Daniel, and he peers at the previous texts he had sent, which had been left unread by the Aussie since <em>December 2017 </em>and he shivers.</p><p> </p><p>He feels confused by the whole situation, since he and Daniel are no longer talking like they used before, so he finds it weird the Aussie asking him that, like he hasn’t actually the money to go in a hotel room for just one night. Of course, their relationship remained friendly and polite the whole year for the sake of the team, but as soon as they were discharged from their PR duty they would recoil in their rooms like two perfect strangers, ignoring each other’s presence until it was asked again to act like best buddies.</p><p> </p><p>Max tosses the phone on the marble table and fetches himself a sip of Diet Coke, thinking about what to do; he slumps on the sofa once again and let himself distract for some time, playing another match on PlayStation while his mind still wanders off to that simple message. He groans in frustration when the rival team scores another goal, making him lose the game to 0:3, so he throws the controller between the couch’s cushions in a sudden burst of anger, and stands up. He goes to the kitchen’s cabinet to find a protein bar, and chews it loudly, grabbing his phone with a swift movement and tapping the response to Daniel’s message without even thinking about it, his fingers shifting around like he is not in control of them.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Me: Of course [sent 17:32]</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The thing is that he doesn’t know why he accepted: maybe because he didn’t want to come off as rude, because technically Daniel is still his teammate, or maybe because deep down he <em>is</em> a little bit curious to discover what his friend is up to in Monaco, since the Aussie didn’t explain himself in the message, nor the Dutch asked for what matters.</p><p> </p><p>After all, Daniel moved out because the air was becoming too suffocating, as he shortly explained to Max in February, when they met each other on the stairwell while Daniel was moving brown boxes from his house to the moving truck. He needed a new restart and Los Angeles seemed the perfect answer, he said. (Max didn’t comment on that, because they both knew why Dan was doing what he was doing, so he let the news sink in, and tried not to make such a fuss about it.)</p><p> </p><p>Daniel arrives the following Saturday afternoon at six o’clock sharp, smiling widely at Max when he opens the door and taking off his sunglasses to adjust his vision; <em>He looks fit, </em>is the first thing that crosses Max’s mind, when he finds himself scanning his friend’s body from head to toe while remaining on the threshold, unmoving.</p><p> </p><p>Dan’s skin appears more tanned than usual under the light of the hall, and his tattoos seem to completely fade in the flesh; he wears a big white t-shirt with his logo on it that makes him younger and smaller and some black shorts that Max finds <em>too short</em> for his decency. Hell, he looks like he is been to a spa for the past few <em>months</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you gonna make me come in, or not?” Dan says a little sheepishly, rocking his weight from one heel to the other when he notices Max staring at him gaped.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Yes, yes, of course, make yourself at home” Max rushes to answer, opening the door wider for him to step through, and then he proceeds to hide behind it to cover his blush on his cheeks (god, he feels like a schoolgirl.)</p><p> </p><p>Daniel takes his suitcase up to the guest room, already so familiar with Max’s house that he doesn’t even need to ask where it is. He unceremoniously falls on the mattress and takes off his shoes with a kick, while he removes his socks with his pointing finger as well; he then lays backwards on the sheets and huffs when his breath is taken away for a second by the impact with the bed.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m beat” he states while closing his eyes, and Max can’t do anything but look at him from the doorway; he smiles faintly even if Dan can’t see him and thinks how domestic the Aussie seems.</p><p> </p><p>For a moment, it is like everything is back to normal, and his friend just came by to Max’s apartment after an exhausting training session with Michael, and he imagines Daniel asking him if he can take a shower here, because only the thought of doing another set of stairs is unimaginable to him. Max would laugh at his laziness and indicate where the spare towels are, saying that he will fetch something to eat in the meantime. They would drink beer and watch some stupid tv show on Netflix that Daniel suggested, whilst sitting so near on the couch that their knees will touch, and they would fall asleep on each other and wake up with a cramped neck the following morning.</p><p> </p><p>Max steps out of his daydream when his friend turns his head around and the sheets rumple under his hair. “Are you okay?” he questions with his eyebrows high, but Max simply nods and mutters that he is making dinner, so Dan can shower if he wants. (He knows how much the Aussie hates the smell of recycled air on his skin and the taste of paper that a long journey can bring.)</p><p> </p><p>While he hears the water running, Max prepares some eggs in the kitchen, and his friend joins him no longer after in a yellow t-shirt and a pair of loose sweatpants, his wet curls swinging over his forehead.</p><p> </p><p>They both sit at the ends of the wooden table and watch their plates like they are something interesting, the air filled with the clanking of their cutlery. None of them dares to speak, using their mouth full of food as an excuse, but when the dishes are finally empty Max gathers the courage to ask Dan what he is doing here. He can’t bear to look his friend in the eyes though, so he busies himself with scratching the water bottle label off.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to Italy, getting a proper vacation,” Daniel says after cleaning his mouth with a napkin. Max can feel his gaze on him but doesn’t dare to look up. “There weren’t any direct flights from LA, and the alternative layovers were either Monaco or Paris, so...” Daniel doesn’t finish the sentence and Max wonders what he has wanted to add.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>So I came here to visit you.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Or</p><p> </p><p><em>So</em> <em>I came here to fix things before the season starts again.</em></p><p> </p><p>He guesses he will never know.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“What time do you have your flight at?” Max manages to say, finally meeting Daniel’s brown eyes (he has already thrown the entire label off the bottle, so he doesn’t have much more to occupy himself with.)</p><p> </p><p>“Tomorrow afternoon. It takes, like, one hour and a half to arrive in Rome, so I took one of the latest flights.”</p><p> </p><p>Max doesn’t know what else to add, and his question feels stupid the second after he has said it out loud. He didn’t want to sound like he wants to get rid of Daniel, he doesn’t, but it’s just that whole situation is… well, awkward, and wants to know how long he still needs to see the Aussie’s face and pretends it’s all good between them.</p><p> </p><p>He feels the inconvenience of the small talk slowly creeping in, and Dan tries to conceal the thing behind one of his smiles, so Max stands up to clear the table, just to do something with his hands that don’t involve him punching the Aussie right through his perfect mouth.</p><p> </p><p>He pushes everything in the sink with more strength than intended and runs the water; he is been very lazy these past few days, and he probably used the dishwater more than necessary, so he decides to personally clean the dishes to save some energy up, and not because he wants to avoid talking to Daniel right now.</p><p> </p><p>It’s when he is lathering his second plate though, that the Aussie speaks again, filling the quietness of the night. “I think you should come with me to Italy, you know. Getting some sun, relax… it will probably do you some good,” he says, and he ends the sentence with a timid laugh.</p><p> </p><p>Max swears he has never heard Daniel so insecure of himself.</p><p> </p><p>He is turned away from his friend but he stops for a moment, trying to hide the way he was going to drop a glass in the kitchen sink for the surprise; he continues to lather things as nothing has happened, but he senses his cheeks growing hot in embarrassment and he thanks God that Daniel can’t see his face for once.</p><p> </p><p>“Ugh, never mind, it sounded stupid. You are probably busy already.”</p><p> </p><p>Max hears Daniel’s elbows against the timber table over the sound of water running and imagines his friend taking his head in his hands, probably ashamed about making the whole situation even more uncomfortable than before, so he twists his neck and looks at him.</p><p> </p><p>“No. No, it’s not stupid” he begins to say, but doesn’t know how to continue. “I think…I think it’s a great idea. I mean, I don’t have anything to do so…yeah. Some holidays would probably do me some good, I think.” He tries to chuckle at the end, but his voice comes out hoarse, and he returns washing the dishes.</p><p> </p><p>“Awesome, mate!” Daniel grins and Max can feel his excitement by the way his Australian accent thickens, or maybe just because he is tired. “The flight is at five pm, so you have all morning to pack. Keep it light though, it’s very hot in Rome. Oh! And don’t forget a swimsuit; the penthouse has a Jacuzzi!”</p><p> </p><p>His friend sounds like a proper kid organising some campaign trip with his best friend, and Max missed seeing Daniel like this; he simply nods in reply, without turning his back, while a faint smile is spreading on his lips as well.</p><p> </p><p>He hears the chair scraping against the floor and Daniel standing up yawning. “Mate, I’m crushed. I feel the jet lag coming, so I’m hitting the bed right now,” he says, and stretches his arm in the air, groaning. “So glad you’re coming, though,” and Max senses Dan approaching behind him to clasp at his shoulder, and he hides the way he flinches at the contact behind a smile.</p><p> </p><p>He manages to reply a feeble good night in return, and he grips into the plate he has between his hands because of the sudden proximity with Daniel. The Aussie replies with a whispered good night as well and squeezes his shoulder one last time before leaving for the guest bedroom, while humming a song under his breath.</p><p> </p><p>Just when he hears the door shutting, Max leans his forehead on the kitchen hob and releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Max wakes the following morning with a scream on his lips and his shirt beaded with sweat, but can’t remember anything. He takes a few seconds to calm his breath while he lies at the centre of his bed with his knees hugged by his arms, and he looks at the drawn curtains to see a grey light creeping through the fabric. He checks the time on his watch and finds out it’s only five-thirty in the morning.</p><p>He ruffles his hair with more energy than normal, like he is trying to take grasp of what woke him up, and then brings his palms against the socket of his eyes, just to shake off the dizziness.</p><p> </p><p>He considers returning to sleep (he knows it will be a long day), but instead he swings his long legs out of the sheets and opens the window; it’s a thing that it’s going on for a while, him waking up at dawn time, so he developed a routine where he stands on the balcony only with his sweatshirt and boxers on and a cup of coffee between his hands, waiting for the sun to rise. Some would argue that it’s a miserable routine, but he likes how he can watch the city around him slowly starting to wake up.</p><p> </p><p>Max tries his best not to make any sound when he walks barefoot to the kitchen, but the coffee machine is just too loud, so he hopes it doesn’t wake Daniel up; he opens the sliding door with caution and sits on the chair outside while checking his phone.</p><p> </p><p>He has one of his father's missed call from yesterday evening that he decides to ignore, and a message from Victoria; he texts her back and sends a good morning to his mother, knowing that she is probably up like him as well.</p><p> </p><p>Max lays his head on the headrest and sighs, staring into the greyness of the sky while is mind keeps up with his thoughts once again like it has never stopped. He is scared that these five days with Daniel would just remind him how lonely he has been for the past few months, and how much he has missed the constant presence of the Aussie in his life, while on the other hand, he is scared that he will fuck everything up and they will fall into a no-talking situation once again, but only worse. One way or other, he knows this holiday won’t do him good as Daniel promised, that’s for sure.</p><p> </p><p>Max suddenly feels his eyes welling up with tears, so he closes them forcefully and uses the sweatshirt’s fabric to wipe them, blaming the cold wind for the drops falling on his cheeks. He intakes a shuddery breath and thinks how his brain is so fucked up and working at racing speed all the time, that he wonders if the only plausible solution seems to be his body splattered on the tarmac below himself.</p><p> </p><p>He feels the way his anxiety is crawling under his skin, so he focuses on the harboured boats in the distance and how the sun is reflecting on the waves, glimmers of white lights threaded with the blue of the sea. He hears the humming of the tides against the seashore mixed with the buzzing sound of the first cars passing on the underlying road and smells the dried salt in the air blended with fresh bread, while a light breeze carries the aroma of coffee from the just-opened bars.</p><p> </p><p>He exhales.</p><p> </p><p>Max watches the sun unravelling like a carpet on his balcony, and when his breath has finally evened out, he checks the time again and finds out is already eight am; he’s been sitting there for nearly three hours, but for him, it felt like minutes, so since Daniel has not woken up yet, he decides to run to the nearest cafeteria to grab some pastries, and to the supermarket for milk and orange juice.</p><p> </p><p>It’s when he’s in line at the store that his phone dings and sees a message.</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>Daniel R.: Where are u? Already took off w/o me? ;) [delivered 8:46]</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>He feels sorry for a second, having left Daniel waking up alone in his house without even a post-it on the fridge, but he shrugs off the thought when he remembers that the Aussie had literally done the same thing to him last year. He decides to leave the message unread.</p><p>
  
</p><p>When he unlocks the door, he finds Daniel talking on the phone by the balcony, laughing through the speaker and shuffling his feet, but as soon as he notices Max, his face becomes serious, almost sad, and he ends the phone call in a moment, rushing inside the house.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, good morning, you’ve finally arrived.” The corners of Daniel’s mouth lift, but his eyes hide a veil of worry, almost apprehensive, and Max doesn’t know if it is for him or the calling.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, the supermarket was busy. I brought you some pastries, though” and Max unwraps the chocolate brioche and puts it on the table, as well as the juice and some fresh milk.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, man you didn’t have to. Thanks.”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs in response and sits awkwardly at the table, watching Daniel biting the croissant; he pours himself another cup of coffee and flinches when he discovers that it has grown cold. “Did you sleep well?” Max asks and feels proud of himself when his voice doesn’t break in the middle of the sentence.</p><p> </p><p>“Absolutely. Your mattress makes miracles, I swear” and Daniel takes another mouthful of the brioche, causing the chocolate to spread all over his upper lip, and Max chuckles at the thing.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you?”</p><p> </p><p>“What.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you sleep well, too?”</p><p> </p><p>And Max shrugs again because it seems rude to laugh in his face otherwise. Sure, he had always had trouble sleeping, but the thing has worsened since last January. He tosses and turns every night because the bed is too empty and the sheets are too cold, and he misses someone who can calm him down when he wakes up from the nightmares he can’t remember.</p><p> </p><p>Along with that, let’s add that when he bought his ticket yesterday evening, he had searched for some direct flights from Los Angeles to Rome just out of mere curiosity, and found out countless of them, even taking off every ten minutes, without any layovers. Max knew Daniel’s reason to be in Monaco was a little suspicious but now that he has the proof it was all a lie, he really doesn’t know what to do with this piece of information, and his mind kept circling around it without taking a break last night.</p><p> </p><p>So no, he hasn’t slept well.</p><p> </p><p>“How many days are we staying?” Max has the force to ask. He tries to focus on practical things or he knows he will explode sooner or later.</p><p> </p><p>“Five. Rome is big and I want to visit everything. But don’t worry, we’ll check some places out of the city, too” and with that, Daniel stands up and puts his glass of juice in the kitchen sink. “Do you mind if I go for a run? I really need to burn that brioche off, or Michael would slap me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Help yourself out. I need to pack my suitcase, so I wouldn’t be much entertainment in any case.”</p><p> </p><p>Daniel thanks him in return and puts some trainers on, and takes Max’s house keys off the table with a quick movement, like it’s the most normal thing in the world, and Max stares at the spot on the wooden surface for the minutes after.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Daniel returns from the run it’s almost lunchtime, and Max hasn’t finished packing up yet; he’s trying not to take gear clothes, just for not seeking attention, but two-thirds of his wardrobe is only Red Bull t-shirts, so he keeps digging in the drawers for some polos.</p><p> </p><p>His bedroom door is open, but Daniel knocks anyway to introduce himself into the room. “Hey, I’m gonna hit the shower right now and then prepare lunch, so you can finish with that” and he indicates the luggage. “Sounds okay for you?”</p><p> </p><p>Max stops folding another pair of shorts and turns around fully, so he can see Daniel in his whole. His t-shirt is so dripped with sweat that it seems glued to his abs and the curls on top of his head are plastered on his forehead, matted; his eyes are a little bit blown and he sounds out of breath, but his thighs muscles seem rigid and defined, making the tattoos show up more.</p><p> </p><p>“No. No, I–” Max clears his voice, “I can take care of it, you really don’t need to.” He smooths the creases of the shorts he’s packing, and returns to his suitcase, hoping that Daniel didn’t notice his flush on his cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>“Man, your suitcase is practically <em>empty</em>, and we have only a few hours left. It’s no bother. I swear I won’t burn the kitchen down,” Daniel raises his hands in surrender.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, but <em>don’t </em>cut yourself with the knife <em>again</em>. We don’t have time.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, <em>mom</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>His friend leaves the bedroom giggling and Max resumes his packing. He goes back with his memory and tries to pinpoint the event; he thinks it was after the last race in November when they returned to Monaco together on Max’s private jet, and he had decided to invite his teammate for dinner, just to forget the disastrous year that had been for Red Bull. Daniel kept asking to be the one cooking though, knowing Max’s poor skills in the kitchen, and the Dutchman agreed just because he was tired of listening to Dan wining all the way back home.</p><p> </p><p>He was preparing an ordinary salad when it all happened, and Daniel accidentally sliced the skin between his thumb and index finger of his right hand instead of the tomatoes, and he fainted for five minutes solid at the sight of blood.</p><p> </p><p>Max fell into panic mode in seconds and rushed to his friend’s side trying to keep him awake, while he was putting a cold cloth on the wound. They rushed to the hospital immediately after Daniel could properly stand up without his head spinning at every step. Fortunately, they found out it was nothing serious (he hadn’t even needed stitches) and they laughed about it on the journey back from the hospital, saying that Dan could drive a car at 300 mph, but not prepare a decent salad.</p><p> </p><p>“Max, come on! It’s ready!”</p><p> </p><p>“One moment! I need to find one last thing,” Max shouts in return while searching for his swimsuit among the boxers. He’s sure it is somewhere….<em>here</em>, but the drawer has suddenly transformed in the Narnia’s wardrobe, so he keeps shifting things around without seeing the bottom surface.</p><p> </p><p>But then he stops. He retreats his hand as the thing has just burnt him.</p><p> </p><p>It’s been a long time since he has seen that t-shirt, even forgot was there, but Max would recognize it among countless. He pulls it out from the furthest corner of the drawer and feels the texture between his fingertips; he takes it up to his nose and inhales. Still the same perfume.</p><p> </p><p>“Max!” Daniel’s petulant scream from the kitchen brings him back to reality, so he wipes his watery eyes away, and throws the black t-shirt at the top of the suitcase, finally closing it.</p><p> </p><p>“Coming!”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p>They spend the rest of the afternoon playing FIFA, or well, Daniel plays it while Max watches; even if he sighs in frustration every time the rival team scores a point on the Aussie, he can’t bring himself to actually play, his mind too loud for him to focus and his anxiety spiking up every time he checks his watch.</p><p> </p><p>When the clock finally strikes four pm, he jumps on his seat and begins to gather his luggage, drawing the curtains shut and making sure he has put the alarm on when he leaves home. Daniel silently watches him in concern during their Uber drive to the airport but knows his friend would be like this until they land on the Italian soil.</p><p> </p><p>After they have both hopped on the plane, Daniel asks very kindly to the woman sitting next to Max if she can move to his seat that is not so far behind; she accepts reluctantly, even if the Aussie has offered himself to carry her bag.</p><p> </p><p>“You didn’t have to, you know,” the Dutchman says timidly, watching everywhere but his teammate.</p><p> </p><p>“But I wanted to, so you are stuck with me. Or do you think that elderly woman could have been a better company than me?”</p><p> </p><p>“At least she wouldn’t have told me fart jokes.”</p><p> </p><p>They both burst out in laughter, making people twisting their back, so they try to act mature and muffle the sounds behind their hands; not long after that, the pilot speaks to wish them a good flight and the hostesses begin to indicate the emergency exits.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When the plane finally lands, Max feels his anxiety riddling on him again. Now that they have arrived, he realizes he can’t escape anymore, especially from Daniel’s presence, since they are going to share a house for the following five days<em>. </em>The consciousness of being with him twenty-four-seven after such a long time where they barely acknowledged each other’s existence is…mentally exhausting to say at least.</p><p> </p><p>He really wishes he hadn’t accepted.</p><p> </p><p>He begins to pull at his skin without even noticing, so absorbed by the landscape rolling outside the window that doesn’t even register Daniel’s fingers wrapping around his wrist.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop that, come on, it’s okay. We’re finally here” and his thumb strokes his inner skin with such delicacy that Max shivers, but the Aussie continues with the gesture until the plane stops completely.</p><p> </p><p>Their pilot speaks again and people begin to stand up. Their eyes meet for a fraction of a second, and Daniel lightly squeezes his wrist in return and gives him an encouraging smile, while Max remains there for a moment calming his breath.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The trip from Fiumicino airport to their flat feels endless. Even if the streets didn’t seem packed at first, the more they get near to Rome, the more the traffic grows, and the air is hot and humid.</p><p> </p><p>“Ancora quanto per il centro?” Daniel asks the driver impatiently after twenty minutes spent being stuck in the queue. Max can’t believe he had rented an apartment in the exact core of the city.</p><p> </p><p>“Dieci minuti. Mi dispiace, ma Roma è così. Inoltre è Agosto, e le persone si stanno spostando sulla costa per l’estate.”</p><p> </p><p>The man is talking in a heavy Roman accent that Daniel finds difficult to understand, but the thing that he has certainly grasped is that they will have to wait. Max feels sleepy; his early awakening has crept in his body and found a place between the junctures of his bones, and the only thing keeping him awake is the beautiful sunset piercing in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>Red and violet intertwine above his head, hiding behind big clouds on one end and appear of another colour on the other one; the sun seems to lean over one big hill, like it’s tired to hang up in the sky, becoming smaller and smaller as time passes. Max thinks it is worth the wait.</p><p> </p><p>When they arrive in Piazza Venezia, it’s already dark outside, but that doesn’t prevent them to enjoy the stunning view along the way. They first pass near <a href="https://www.leaudioguide.net/public/fileuploati/413-11-13966Circo-Massimo.jpg"><em>Circo Massimo</em></a>, as the driver explains to them, the ruins on the Palatino hill standing among the green grass, and then the <a href="https://i.pinimg.com/originals/82/b7/e9/82b7e987dcebef15019bf0752eb12764.jpg"><em>Colosseo</em></a>, glorious in all its magnificence and illuminated by the inside that the arches seem golden teeth of an old mouth. They admire everything in awe, the street lights reflecting on the window of the car and their eyes, making them sparkle.</p><p> </p><p>What takes Max's breath away though is the <a href="https://img5.goodfon.com/wallpaper/nbig/f/40/rim-italiia-vittoriano-noch-ogni-ploshchad-venetsii.jpg"><em>Vittoriano</em></a>. It stands there huge and triumphant, the white of the marble stark against the pitch black of the sky. Daniel looks at him and is grinning like mad, giddy by the grandiosity of the view that he lets out a squeak of enjoyment.</p><p> </p><p>Despite the traffic they have found near the city walls, Rome seems empty, like a ghost, but it is even better, so they can enjoy sightseeing without being interrupted by fans; Dan pays the driver abundantly while Max takes out their luggage from the truck.</p><p> </p><p>Nicoletta, their host, is waiting for them at the main door of the building and opens her arms in the air when she sees the Aussie approach. “Oh, Daniel. Finalmente ci conosciamo” and she wraps him in a hug and kisses his cheeks twice. “And you must be Max, nice to meet you.” She shakes his hand lightly and he’s glad she is switched to English to make him feel part of the conversation. She must have noticed the wave of disorientation that flashed before his eyes as soon as she has started talking.</p><p> </p><p>Nicoletta unlocks the big front door and lets them inside; the building is ancient and white, the little grey cracks of marble decorating the walls, while the stairwell is so long and spiralled that Max lifts his nose and it’s like it doesn’t have an end, but loses itself in the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>The elevator they take is one of the oldest ones, with a big iron grating at the entrance and covered in  dark wood on the inside; it’s cramped and small, so the three of them stand near to each other with their arms touching.</p><p> </p><p>When they finally arrive, and Nicoletta opens the security door, the flat seems detached to the whole building, because it’s so modern and spacious in comparison to the grand hall.</p><p> </p><p>The living room is an open space with two big armchairs facing each other and a couch with a chaise longue near to them. In the centre, there is a small glassy table that recalls the dining one in the back, a huge bouquet of white roses standing in the middle of it. In the left corner of the room, there is a little kitchen island for them to sit and have breakfast, and the wall is decorated with two massive pictures.</p><p> </p><p>What really stands out though, is the window that covers the right wall in its entirety; the ceiling is split in half so one part is made of concrete and the other one of glass; the balcony stretches all around the living room like a maze, and the front part, right behind the dining table, opens widely and offers a stunning view of the <em>Vittoriano</em>. Daniel didn’t lie when he was talking about a Jacuzzi, but Max didn’t know it was <em>right over the terrace</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Nicoletta guides them into the bedroom on their left and indicates the bathroom behind a closed door near to a wardrobe. She then lends the house keys to Daniel and wishes a good stay to both.</p><p> </p><p>The penthouse falls finally quiet, and Max collapses on the mattress while his teammate explores the house a little bit more; he doesn’t feel like unpacking, so he remains there and closes his eyes, enjoying how the sheets are soft under his hands and they smell of lavender.</p><p> </p><p>When Dan returns he scratches the back of his neck, a little embarrassed. “Yeah, sorry… I forgot to tell you there was only one bed,” and finishes the sentence with a flustered laugh.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, it’s no problem… I mean, it’s not the first time we’ve shared a bed, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Right,” his teammate replies, but the word feels strained, like he has been shot in his lungs and can’t make the air come through his mouth. He grips tighter the handle of the door and then excuses himself to see if there is anything in the fridge for dinner.</p><p> </p><p>Max lets out a breath after the door clicked shut and counts to ten before standing up. His mind is clouded by endless images and memories that seem to belong to someone else, and he starts to unpack his suitcase just to do keep the thoughts out of his head.</p><p> </p><p>The shower is gigantic, spreading along the whole left wall and facing another balcony on the other side of the bathroom, and Max remains under the cold water for the longest time, scrubbing his skin clean and washing his blonde hair tangled with sweat. He didn’t think that the air could be so humid, and he raced in <em>Malaysia</em>.</p><p> </p><p>There’s a soft knock on the door while he’s drying his feet and his friend’s voice comes muffled from the other side. “Dinner is ready. I’ve ordered some pizzas, hope you don’t mind.” Daniel’s voice feels calmer and steadier than before, so Max thinks he has already forgiven him for what he said earlier, and he replies with a thank you.</p><p> </p><p>The penthouse has an air conditioning system but it seems useless to switch it on at almost nine pm so they eat dinner on the veranda, facing the <em>Altare della Patria.</em> When Max arrives, Daniel has already set the table and begun to eat, but stops his slice mid-air when he notices his friend.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s– that’s my t-shirt. Is that my t-shirt?”</p><p> </p><p>Max freezes on his seat; he picked his clothes randomly, just to not making Daniel wait any longer, and he can’t believe that he put on <em>that</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, no. No. I don’t think….no.” He tries to conceal his embarrassment, feeling his ears becoming red, so he takes a sip of cold water and tries to eat despite the lump in his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“You sure? I mean, I really reckon to lose a black t-shirt just like that one. It has even–”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not, okay? It’s <em>not,</em>” and Max hates how he sounds angry all of a sudden, but can Daniel just drop it? They both know whose shirt it is, so why they don’t ignore the thing and move on? Does he want him to say it out loud?</p><p> </p><p>(Maybe he’s taking revenge for earlier, Max thinks. Fair enough.)</p><p>                    </p><p> </p><p>They both return to their pizzas and eat in the quiet of the night, even the cicadas have stopped singing like they are afraid of the Dutchman shouting again. Max can’t bring himself to say sorry, and it’s like the word is stuck in his throat with all the emotions bubbling from the centre of his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Jus when he thinks it has passed the right amount of time to talk again like nothing has happened, he breaks the silence.</p><p> </p><p>“So…what are we visiting tomorrow?”</p><p> </p><p>Daniel looks up from the empty glass he is twisting on his hand and speaks. “That,” and he points at the monument standing in front of them. “That,” and he indicates something behind Max’s ear. “And that,” and moves the finger just a little bit on the right. Max turns his back trying to understand what <em>that</em> means.</p><p> </p><p>“Do we have like a guide or something to explain <em>those</em>?” he asks teasingly. What’s the point of seeing something if you don’t even know the name of it?</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I’</em>m your guide, Maxy, I know plenty about this place,” and Daniel crosses his arms behind his head and brings the legs up on the table, smiling.</p><p> </p><p>“What, did you read the Wikipedia page during the flight, and now you call yourself a historian?”</p><p> </p><p>“Stai zitto, stronzo” the Aussie spites and starts to laugh immediately after. Max doesn’t know what <em>stronzo</em> means, but he’s sure it’s a bad word.</p><p> </p><p>They spend some time over the terrace watching the <em>Vittoriano</em> in front of them, while the moon bathes their skin with its light. Max feels his eyes closing.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, don’t fall asleep on me. If you need to, at least take me to bed.” Daniel pinches his arm, and smiles beamingly, his white teeth standing out in the blackness of the night. Max tries to laugh at Daniel’s joke, but it sounds more like a sob than an actual chuckle.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, mate, go to sleep,” and the Aussie indicates their bedroom with his beer bottle.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you sure we can sleep together? I mean-”</p><p> </p><p>“Affirmative. The bed is bigger enough for your long bony legs.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, they are not <em>that</em> long, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>They laugh at each other and Max stands there, almost falling asleep on his feet and then asks if Daniel is coming as well, without even thinking about it, as an old couple would do.</p><p> </p><p>“Nah, I’m not tired yet. I’m probably watching some shitty Italian tv show trying to understand something.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good luck, then.”</p><p> </p><p>Daniel smiles candidly. “Good night.”</p><p> </p><p>Max leaves the bedroom door ajar, so the tv won’t bother him, and starts to undo the bed; he loosens the blanket and tucks it at the end of the mattress, then takes off his shorts and sleeps only with his (Daniel’s) t-shirt and boxers on.</p><p> </p><p>He draws the bed sheets all over himself, stopping them just under his chin, so the wind coming from the open window doesn’t make his skin rise with goose bumps. (He keeps trying to convince himself that is just a technicality, but he knows it’s because he feels vulnerable and exposed when there isn’t something, or someone, touching his skin at night.)</p><p> </p><p>The exhaustion and the stress of the day come down on him extremely easy that night and he finds sleep in a matter of minutes. He doesn’t even feel the mattress dipping and the covers shifting when Daniel comes to bed, nor the warm touch at the height of his calf when the Aussie presses his foot against him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning for some panic attack here. Stay safe &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For a moment, Max has really thought that this holiday could have swiped his anxiety away in a matter of seconds, like the minute he was touching down on the Italian soil he would have been safe under the protection of some Catholic saints.</p><p>The reality though seems to disagree with this.</p><p>That night he wakes up gasping as the ceiling has just crushed down on his chest and he can’t breathe, so he sits up straight and scrambles at the sheets, suddenly feeling hot and disoriented.</p><p>It’s been the same thing since forever, the way he wakes up and can’t recall what nightmare has done it, but this time feels different because when he grasps for air it seems it can’t reach his lungs. He pants heavy and loud and begins to rock himself forwards and backwards trying to calm down, but the nagging sensation on his rib cage won’t leave him alone.</p><p>He feels like dying.</p><p>His eyes are hard-pressed against his knees in an attempt to tune out the world and focus on his breath, so he barely registers the light turning on or someone approaching. However, his neck snaps up so quickly when he feels a gentle touch on his bicep that Daniel thinks he has heard it snapping in half.</p><p>Max is relieved for a second at the sight of a familiar face, but he grasps his friend’s t-shirt like a lifeline the moment after, because his lungs aren’t expanding as they should, and he prays that at least the Aussie can do something about it.</p><p>“Come on love, take big breaths with me. In for three and out for three. Let’s do it together, like always.”</p><p>Daniel’s voice quivers: he hasn’t seen Max like this for a long time, but does his best to remember the few things he has learned along the way.</p><p>They would happen frequently during their first year together in Red Bull, so he can say he has witnessed some rough panic attacks like this and became accustomed to the usual procedures.</p><p>The first time, he thought Max would die on him. He had heard his teammate’s breath stopping from the other side of the bathroom door, so he made his way in and found his friend on the floor, pale like a ghost. He screamed for help until Christian had come to the bathroom and tried to calm the younger down, while Daniel was on the verge of hysteria, fearing the worst.</p><p>After that, they made sure Max would check some doctor for it, and the answer that came was that he had asthma, but not the typical one, just sporadic attacks that would present themselves whenever the body felt under particularly huge stress. At the time Daniel had snorted at the fact because, fuck, their job <em>is</em> the epitome of stress. How could Max control that?</p><p>They gave him an inhalator just for precaution, saying to bring it with him all the time, and recommended lots of sleep and some yoga, but Max never succeeded in either of those things.</p><p>With time the thing improved: partially thanks to the gradual disappearance of his father’s presence from the paddock and partially for his relationship with Daniel. As time passed, they were becoming more friends than actual rivals, and the Aussie liked how he was influencing the younger one positively. It would make him feel a little bit special.</p><p>Last year the thing had seemed to completely disappear, so when Daniel woke up to the sound of Max wheezing that night, he felt like the first time was happening all over again. Sure, now he was skilled enough to know what was going on, but it has always scared the shit living out of him seeing his friend in such a state.</p><p>“D- Dan- Dan-”</p><p>“Shh, don’t talk. Inhale from your nose and exhale from your mouth, okay? Can you do that for me?”</p><p>Max tries again, but his breath gets stuck on his throat. Daniel continues to stroke his arm in comfort, but even if he can’t see his face very clearly in the faint light of the lamp, he swears Max’s lips are becoming blue.</p><p>He rushes to his friend’s backpack and empties it on the floor, desperately trying to find the inhalator; when he sees the blue casing among the scattered things, he climbs on the bed at light speed and brings it to Max’s mouth for one pump, then two, and then three.</p><p>The bronchodilator inside does its work in a matter of seconds, and Daniel feels so relieved when Max breaks down between his arms because he can finally hear him breathing.</p><p>He slots the younger’s head under his chin and wraps his right arm around his legs, so Max can properly sit on his lap. He strokes the blonde hair away from his face and tries to rock him in a lulling gesture.</p><p>“It’s okay. It’s over Maxy, it’s over. C’mon, calm down” and Daniel tries to shush him once again while kissing the crown of his head.</p><p>They stand in the middle of the bed for minutes, their huddled shadow projected on the carpet from the moon filtrating through the curtains, and Max’s laboured breath filling the still air of the night.</p><p>He falls asleep on Daniel after he has calmed down completely, so the Aussie gently cradles his jaw between his hands and wipes off the dried tear streaks. He checks the time on his phone (3:13 am) and decides to turn off their nine-am alarm as long with the bed lamp.</p><p>Rome can wait just a little bit longer, he thinks.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>That morning Max opens his eyes slowly and sees the room flooded with sunlight, so he thinks it must be late. He stretches his arm and finds the bed empty, but the sheets are still warm from Daniel’s body heat.</p><p>He splashes his face with water in the bathroom and checks his reflection in the mirror: his eyes are still a little bit red and his eye bags are more violet tinged than normal, but overall he has slept profoundly after his asthma attack, he always does, so he doesn’t feel like a zombie as he looks.</p><p>He changes his sleep t-shirt because it stinks of sweat, and then makes a beeline to the kitchen; Daniel greets him with one of his big smiles and breakfast already served in his plate.</p><p>“Good morning! How are you feeling?” His voice is loud and clear as usual, but Max notices a note of concern as well.</p><p>“Good, I guess.” He shrugs and begins to eat his omelette. He wants to ignore what happened last night because he feels weak and ashamed about it, so he tries to go on like everything is perfectly fine.</p><p>He checks the watch on the wall and realises it’s almost eleven am. “Mate, why didn’t you wake me up? We need to visit Rome!”</p><p>He’s a little frustrated. He has no right to ruin Daniel’s holiday like this, with him sleeping in because he had just…<em>some problems</em> over the night. He’s older enough to get along with the day even after three hours of sleep; it wouldn’t be the first time.</p><p>“Dude, don’t worry we’ll do it now. We need to walk for some time, so I guessed you could use some extra sleep.”</p><p>“<em>Daniel</em>, I’m not a baby.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah I know…”</p><p>Max hates how his friend is sometimes too overprotective of him. It’s not like he doesn’t appreciate it, but he is…foreigner to the feeling. He’s grown up without his mother so he doesn’t know what being cared and coddled mean, but he’s not a touch-starved cat Daniel can bring home and foster; he’s an adult and can take care of himself perfectly, thank you very much.</p><p>They finish their breakfast in silence, something that is recurring more often than usual, Max thinks, their meals always filled with a sense of tension that none of them wants to acknowledge, hoping it would simply go away after some time.</p><p>Back in the day, it was easier. They had always been cheeky and open with each other as much as possible, and god knows how many conversations ended with them arguing, but it was fine: they would leash out all their frustration and then come back to being friends after mere minutes, as nothing had happened in the first place. It was the best thing about Daniel, his boldness, because Max doesn’t fancy people talking behind his back, but now it seems to have vanished.</p><p>They leave the penthouse at 11:30 am and set out to visit <em>Altare della Patria</em>, that is only a three-minute walk from their apartment. When they arrive on the main staircase, Max senses some vertigo coming because standing so near to something so big feels like it would crash on you. One thing is admiring it far away from their balcony, and one thing is being there looking up at the prominence of the building.</p><p>“It’s– it’s beautiful.”</p><p>“It really is” Daniel says smiling, and he encourages Max to come closer while he starts to tell some of its history.</p><p>Its original name, the <em>Vittoriano</em>, comes from the first Italian king ever, Vittorio Emanuele II. He helped Italy unite after centuries of battles, so when he died in 1878 people had decided to erect a whole monument to celebrate his figure and the historic period that goes under the name of <em>Risorgimento.</em></p><p>Its other name, <em>Altare della Patria, </em>is wrong if we want to be fussy about it. The altar is just the central part of the entire complex, right below the bronze statue. However, people often refer to the monument with this name because the marble figure in the middle represents the Roman goddess, while the low reliefs on both of her sides stand for Hard Work and Love for the Country (<em>Patria</em> in Italian).</p><p>Its other <em>other</em> name, <em>Salma del Milite Ignoto, </em>is not really used but it’s an important detail that can’t go unnoticed. Since 1921, the altar in the centre hosts the remains of an unknown soldier, which celebrates all the people who died during World War One and whose corpses haven’t been unfortunately found.</p><p>Every <a href="https://www.avionews.it/resources/800x800/463951eb5949d6d50ddb992690406519.jpg.jpg">4<sup>th</sup> November</a>, day of the Armistice, the most important politic figures gather around with the army in a beautiful parade, and the President of the Republic places three commemorative crowns at the tomb’s feet, while the Italian Air Display Team flights above the <em>Altare</em> decorating the sky with the colours of the Italian flag.</p><p>The monument in its entirety is an ode to Italy: the remnant statues in bronze and marble stand for the Civil Values of Italian people, the inscriptions in Latin written on the lateral propylaea promote the Unity and Freedom of the country, while the two fountains near the staircase symbolise the Italian seas.</p><p>Max is so enchanted by Daniel’s words that he doesn’t even register the way they are going around the building and into a lift. “Hope you aren’t scared of heights,” he says when they are inside of the elevator, excited like a child on a school trip.</p><p>The Dutchman doesn’t know if he is, he’s never stood on the top of a monument like this, but when the doors slide open and he sees the view, he thinks it’s worth all the dizziness in the world.</p><p>His gaze loses himself between the green hills that stand out in the distance and the various domes that he doesn’t know the name of, while modern buildings mix with ancient ones and streets unravel like snakes between the ruins.</p><p>Max can’t possibly fathom how a city like this can exist.</p><p>At some point, Daniel comes behind him and starts to point at things: the Colosseum, <em>Villa Borghese</em>, <em>Trinità dei Monti</em> and the Tiber, the Hebraic Ghetto and the Pantheon. Max listens carefully even if he can’t grasp any of the names, but he’s sure his friend will take him there sooner or later.</p><p>The terrace is awfully empty, they are the only visitors, so when Daniel shouts at the top of his lungs “I’m the king of the world” Max is glad nobody has to witness that but him. They contemplate the view for quite some time, and the Dutchman takes some photos and a selfie to send to Victoria.</p><p>“That was really awesome, Dan, thank you,” he says while they are descending with the elevator. “And the best has yet to come, baby!” Daniel replies and Max flushes at the pet name but blames the hot weather for that.</p><p>When they start setting out for the Colosseum, it’s already one pm so they first eat in a fancy restaurant called <a href="https://www.dorchestercollection.com/it/rome/hotel-eden/ristoranti-bar/la-terrazza/"><em>La Terrazza</em></a> just next to it. Max makes Daniel decide for him as well because even if the menu is in English he can’t practically understand a word on it. They eat well and fully, three-course meal plus the dessert, and when they stand up to pay Max thinks he is going to explode.</p><p>The Colosseum’s ticket office is calm and quiet, only two German tourists before them in the queue, and they can snatch some informative pamphlets here and there and an audio guide.</p><p>When they go inside Max feels….underwhelmed.</p><p>I mean, he appreciates and understands the importance of the monument and how it’s the symbol of the entire city, but it’s just…bare, and it’s really difficult to imagine gladiators and lions, and people cheering. He mindlessly walks around while Daniel takes photos and he listens to the guide.</p><p>Originally the Colosseum was named <em>Amphitheatrum Flavium</em> because it had been built under the Flavian dynasty, in particular, <em>Vespasiano</em>, and the name Colosseum came only after, during the Middle Ages, when historians believed Nero’s statue had been erected near to it. A colossus, indeed.</p><p>The amphitheatre is the biggest in the world, nearly covering 25 thousand squared meters and could host 50 thousand spectators at the time; it’s so huge that naval battles took place inside, along with gladiators’ ones.</p><p>In 80 AD, when the Colosseum was finally completed after five years of works, the emperor Titus inaugurated the building by announcing one hundred consecutive days of events and games, like lions fighting and deathly hand-to-hand combats. Legends tell that nearly ten thousand people died in there and their blood was used for some magical rituals.</p><p>After that, Max decides to no longer listen to the guide, a shiver coming down his back even with 36 degrees, so he re-joins Daniel on the <a href="https://cdn-italiani-media.italiani.it/site-italiani/2019/07/colosseo-area-interna.jpg">railing</a>.</p><p>“So, Maximus Decimus Meridius, how the Colosseum has been treating you?”</p><p>He rolls his eyes at the nickname but wondered this time would have come sooner or later, since they <em>are</em> actually on the set of “The Gladiator”, and his friend loves calling him that.</p><p>“Pretty well, I think. I mean it’s not as astonishing as the other one, but it’s something. You know people died <em>here</em> and they used their blood for some fucked up rites? Sick.”</p><p>Max tries to use his spooky voice on Daniel, floating his fingers in the air, but his friend laughs at him and clasps at his shoulder; with that big blue eyes and blonde hair, Max wouldn’t scare even a fly.</p><p> </p><p>They finish their visit by walking through the ruins of <em>Fori Imperiali</em>, the archaeological site near to the Colosseum. It’s a cluster of five squares built through one century and a half under five different emperors: Caesar, Augustus, Vespasian, Nerva, and Trajan. It’s not a very exciting sight, since only some foundations and columns remained, but Max feels nice walking around: it is like he is taking part of history itself.</p><p>Also, the cats that live in the <em>Fori</em> are cute and friendly, and they follow the two boys around all along. “Do you think someone would notice if I kidnap one of them?” Max jokingly asks Daniel, while they are sitting over a bench and a cat keeps moving around his legs.</p><p>“No, but the airport security would certainly do.”</p><p>“I can bribe them.”</p><p>“Max, you <em>can’t</em> bring a cat from Rome to Monaco. Take one there, if you really need to.”</p><p>“But I want this in particular” and Max points at the red one who is stroking his face against his shin, and he pouts at Daniel.</p><p>“C’mon, you cat lover. Let’s go somewhere else.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Daniel takes him through Rome’s streets from quite some time, since it’s still early for dinner, so they visit the <em>Trevi Fountain</em> first.</p><p>The fountain is at the junction of three roads (<em>regio Trivii</em> in Latin, and therefore the name) that mark the terminal point of the Aqua Virgo, one of the most ancient aqueducts that still bring water to the city since the emperor Augustus.</p><p>In the beginning, in 1640, the fountain was a Bernini’s project, upon the request of Pope Urbano VII, but the scarcity of money to build it made the architect drop his plan very soon.</p><p>The fountain remained incomplete for nearly sixty years until Pope Clemente XII chose the architect Nicola Salvi for the project in 1732; unfortunately, he died very young, and the fountain was concluded by another architect, Giuseppe Pannini, in 1762.</p><p>The main theme of the fountain is the taming of the waters: in the central exedra stands a big statue of Oceanus, whose chariot is guided by Tritons, trying to tame two hippocampi, while on both of his side <em>Abundance</em> spills water from her urn and <em>Salubrity</em> holds a cups from which a snake drinks. Above the complex, two low reliefs illustrate Agrippa, Augustus’ architect, approving the project of the ancient aqueduct.</p><p>The fountain is practically empty, so Daniel has all the space to walk around it while pointing at things to make Max understand fully. He is surprised how his friend knows or better, remembers, all this information but he listens carefully, amazed by the symbols and the story.</p><p>“Oh, I almost forgot. Take this.”</p><p>Daniel gives him a little five cents bronze coin, and Max takes in the air to look better at it. He twists it between his fingers and finds a little Colosseum engraved on the back.</p><p>“C’mon, now turn your back and toss it backwards. Make a wish.”</p><p>They do it together and twist right after to see where the coins land, but the bottom of the fountain is covered by other ones, so it’s difficult to see which one is theirs.</p><p>When he closes his eyes and throws the money, the first thing Max thinks about is wishing for a world championship, but then he stops. Sure, winning it is one of his biggest dreams, but he knows for certain that he will sooner or later, he has plenty of time, so he doesn’t need the Fortune’s help for that.</p><p>He thinks broader and wider and finally finds it, before it’s too late.</p><p>Happiness.</p><p>That’s what he wishes for. Honest and pure joy. He wants wins and podiums, of course, but also a life without his constant anxiety, and someone loving him. He wants parties and celebrations for his achievements, but also affection and fondness.</p><p>He is miserable thinking about all of this, after all, he is only twenty-two, but the reason is that he feels lonely all the time now, and just hopes for a person to take care of him when the weight on his shoulders becomes too much.</p><p>People keep telling him that he’s young, that he has to wait a little bit longer, but the thing is that he’s tired of waiting. He lives on the edge every forsaken weekend and doesn’t know if he will survive the next week, so time is extremely important for him.</p><p>He’s not scared of dying; he’s scared that he hadn’t lived thoroughly enough.  </p><p>There was a point in the past when he had thought he was really happy though, but it all crashed down so quickly that he felt like he had been teleported him in a parallel universe for a brief period, where Max The Driver wasn’t real and only Max The Person existed. It was such a sweet dream which he has snapped out of it too soon.</p><p>Daniel doesn’t see the brief sadness that flashes before his eyes, or maybe he just ignores the fact, so he wraps an arm around his shoulders and guides him to <a href="https://www.roma-events.it/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/PIAZZA-DI-SPAGNA.jpg"><em>Piazza di Spagna</em></a>, telling him between laughs how he has wished for a beautiful girl waiting for him in Los Angeles.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>They walk along <a href="https://capodannoroma.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/via-condotti-roma.jpg"><em>Viale Condotti</em></a> and watch all the luxury shops on the sides of the street, Max stopping once in a while to admire the shop windows. They climb the staircase that brings to the <a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/5/52/Santa_Trinita_dei_Monti.jpg/330px-Santa_Trinita_dei_Monti.jpg"><em>Trinità dei Monti </em>church</a> and lie on the terrace to watch the sunset.</p><p>The sun goes low behind the hills in the distance, and it’s almost aligned with the <em>Viale </em>that it seems like the road is cutting through it, dividing the star into two asymmetrical parts. The sun gets smaller and smaller, until it fades below the horizon, leaving Rome lightened up by streetlamps and restaurants opening.</p><p>“Did you know the sunset from here was this stunning?” Max asks, completely unaware if Dan has already been in Rome, maybe with someone else (it would explain how he knows all of these things, he presumes).</p><p>“My mother used to take my father here. They’ve been in Rome when they were younger, so she told me about how this is one of her favourite spots. She really likes the azaleas on the staircase” and Daniel points at the pink flowers below them, such a fond smile on his lips, his voice tender.</p><p>Max smiles in return and the delicacy of the gesture makes his stomach flutter. It’s like Dan has shown a hidden part of his life, the kind of memories we tucked on the back of our brain because we don’t want people to ruin these moments, so we hold them as close as possible. It happens though, that once in a while we deliberately decide to share bits and pieces of those memories, and it feels like we are almost giving out a little portion of our souls.</p><p>Max has never done this because his family memories are awful and ugly compared to what Daniel shares with him, but at the same time his friend is the only person that he trusts with them beside himself, because he knows how vulnerable these things can make you.</p><p>(It’s like they are slowly completing each other, but they don’t know it yet.)</p><p>They resume their walking when it’s almost dinner and Daniel takes him through Rome’s streets until they arrive outside of an elegant but small <a href="https://cdn6.iguzzini.com/getmedia/c03dfabd-76a5-48dc-941d-df755d075524/Casina-Valadier-02?width=1166&amp;height=1500">restaurant</a>. At first, Max thought it was another of the endless churches they encounter along the way, but when he sees it all lightened up and people gathering inside he believes him.</p><p>They eat on the terrace because it’s too hot, and Max tries alone to order his dish, but spectacularly fails when he notices Daniel snorting at his pronunciation of <em>gnocchi</em>. He insults him in Dutch so he can’t understand, and then gives back the menu to the waitress.</p><p>The dinner is exquisite and the <em>tiramisu</em> at the end is even better than the one they’ve eaten for lunch. He knows he shouldn’t, but they are on holiday and he has a month to burn the excessive calories off before season starts again. Besides, they’ve walked for at least ten kilometres today, so Jake can’t say anything about it.</p><p>Max noticed that Daniel has fallen extremely quiet during their walking to the restaurant though, and now is checking his phone every damn minute, ignoring his presence.</p><p>“Don’t you know is really rude to stare at your phone during meals? Man, these Australians have no manners.”</p><p>His friend looks up from the screen and a sense of guilt spreads all over his face. Daniel excuses himself and puts his phone in the pocket of his shorts; he taps his fingers on the tablecloth and watches the horizon. Max notices he has barely eaten.</p><p>The awkwardness and the silence that pervaded all of their meals since now, has returned like a blanket over them, and the Dutchman can do nothing but stare at his <em>tiramisu</em>.</p><p>He senses Daniel being on edge, so he waits for his friend to talk to him, which in the end never comes. He feels sad knowing that his teammate doesn’t trust him enough for this, but it’s okay; they’ve barely become friends again after a long let’s-ignore-each-other period, so it’s normal if the Aussie doesn’t want to wear his heart on his sleeves like he usually does with Max.</p><p> </p><p>He pays for the dinner, and Daniel doesn’t object, which makes him even more concerned for his friend, and they take a long stroll in the <em>Villa Borghese</em> <a href="https://loving-travel.com/de/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/181204162742004-1600x960.jpg">gardens</a>.</p><p>Like the laminated plate informs them at the entrance, the park is vast and contains several different buildings developed by the architect Flaminio Ponzio upon request of Scipione Borghese, an Italian cardinal of the 16<sup>th</sup> century. The gardens as they are now were remade in the 18<sup>th</sup> century and the complex was bought by the Italian State in 1903.</p><p>For the whole walk, they stand near to each other, their arms almost brushing, but neither of them dares to speak, so when they reach the Temple of Aesculapius in the centre of the park, they sit down and admire the still water of the lake in complete quietness.</p><p>“It’s so peaceful. I wish we could live here, you know” Max says first, breaking the silence.</p><p>“I don’t think he would mind” Daniel replies and points at the statue of the god between the temple’s columns.</p><p>“I mean, the bench is even comfortable enough to sleep on it.”</p><p>His friend cracks a smile for the first time that night, and Max is happy with the result. “Has anything happened?” he dares to ask. “Have I done something? You seem…sad.”</p><p>Daniel twists his neck and stares at him in the eyes. “No, Max, it’s not you” and sighs loudly. “It’s just…I have some thoughts in my head and need to sort them out. I don’t know if I’m taking the right decisions, you know?”</p><p>At the sound of those words, Max winces. He wants to answer C<em>’mon, talk to me, I’m here,</em> but doesn’t dare to say anything, scared that Daniel would retreat into himself even more. Instead, he says, “I’m sure you’ll get there, mate,” and he squeezes Daniel’s knee in a comforting gesture.</p><p>They call an Uber for the trip back to their apartment, and the Aussie falls asleep in the backseat after a couple of minutes, so Max pays the driver and shakes his friend’s arm when they arrive.</p><p>“We’re here,” he whispers and encircles Dan’s wrist with his fingers to guide him into the elevator.</p><p>They fall on the bed with a thump and drift to sleep in a matter of seconds.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Asthma attacks developing because of stress and hidden trauma is a scientific thing I’ve read on the book “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van der Kolk if you want to check it out. </p><p>Oh, and the cats at the Imperial Fori are a real thing and they were declared part of the eternal city's bio-cultural heritage in 2002! They usually sleep among the ruins and follow tourists around. So cute.</p><p>Thank you for reading! Remember to leave some kudos and comments to let me know if you liked it &lt;3<br/>You can find my tumblr <a href="https://vershstappen.tumblr.com/">here.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night Max dreams about standing on a beach, waves gently crawling on the shore while wetting his feet. He stares at the horizon and between the tides, like looking for something he can’t really place, but he feels calm and peaceful, almost reassured by the constant movement of the water.</p><p>Suddenly, he hears a voice calling him, coming from the sky, chanting <em>Max Max Max</em>, and he opens his eyes and darkness welcomes his vision. He feels a tug on his arm and someone whispering his name, so he turns in the bed and finds Daniel mumbling in his sleep.</p><p>From the light seeping from the window, he sees how his brows seem furrowed and his eyes squeezed tightly, so he tries his best to soothe him by caressing his temple with the back of his hand. A nightmare, he thinks.</p><p>“C’mon Dan, wake up. It’s just a bad dream. C’mon, wake up” and he continues to stroke his cheek and then his arm.</p><p>Daniel snaps out of it after some time, and his eyes are wide when they stare back at Max. He seems disoriented, his breath catching on his throat for a second, but when he sees his friend he sighs in relief.</p><p>“Sorry” he whispers with his voice hoarse. “Bad dream.”</p><p>Max keeps rubbing at his arm until he sees the panic vanishing from the brown eyes, and wonders what the Aussie has dreamed about if he was calling his name repeatedly.</p><p>(He doesn’t ask, though.)</p><p>He encircles Daniel’s waist and pushes him closer to his body, feeling his friend curling up on his chest seeking some comfort and warmth. Max smooths his curls backwards and tries to lull him back to sleep with the repeated movement.</p><p>“Sleep now, I’m here.”</p><p>When he hears Daniel’s breath evening out, he shuts his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The second time he wakes, the sun is already up in the sky and the room is pervaded by golden light. The spot near to him is empty once again, but he hears the shower running, so he stands up to make breakfast.</p><p>The kitchen fridge is full of delicious things (ham, cheese, tomatoes and good wine), and he has to thank Nicoletta for that, but instead, he opts for some yoghurt, fruit, toasted bread with strawberry jam and orange juice, hoping Daniel wouldn’t mind changing a bit, instead of the regular scrambled eggs they eat every morning.</p><p>It’s a beautiful day, the blue sky freed from clouds and the warmth not too unbearable yet, so he sets the table on the terrace and waits for his friend. He checks his phone and takes a photo of the lovely view, breakfast included and sends it to his mother. She replies straight back.</p><p>
  <strong>Mam: “What a sight! You’re treating Daniel very well I assume. Hoping he’s doing the same for you too, mijn lieveling &lt;3” [delivered 8:31]</strong>
</p><p>He smiles at the message. His mother and Victoria are the only people who know where he is, but also the ones whom he told everything that had happened between him and Daniel about.</p><p> </p><p>Daniel joins him no longer after that, and he’s fully dressed like he’s going to a model runway: he has some dress khaki pants on and a flower printed shirt unbuttoned over. Max’s mouth fills with saliva.</p><p>“What is the big occasion today then?” he tries to ask, with much casualness as possible, while he senses his cheeks redden (of course, it is the sun).</p><p>“We’re going to Vatican City, Maxy. It’s not I can show up dressed like that” and points at his whole figure.</p><p>“Hey, I haven’t changed yet.”</p><p>Max scowls. The thing is that he’s been sleeping with <em>that</em> old black t-shirt of Daniel’s once again and it is dipped with the Aussie’s cologne like old times, since they have stayed practically glued to each other the previous night, and doesn’t want to take it off.</p><p>“Didn’t you say we would have a relaxed morning?”</p><p>“Yes, in fact, the visit is scheduled for the afternoon, but I want to take you to a place first.”</p><p>“Romantic.”</p><p>They both smile at each other and continue to eat their yoghurts.</p><p>Max can’t believe the words are leaving his mouth, but he feels brave this morning.</p><p>“What were you dreaming about last night?” A beat. “I heard you calling my name.”</p><p>Daniel stops in his tracks, a little taken aback. “You know, same old things. Crashes and stuff like that.” He turns his spoon on the hem of the bowl, avoiding Max’s eyes, his hunger suddenly vanished.</p><p>Max remembers the first year together when they still didn’t know each other very well and Max couldn’t do anything but simply hear Daniel screaming in the middle of the night from the other room. He hadn’t ever dared to ask his teammate what it was about, but he could see the eye bags and his red eyes the morning after.</p><p>When things got better between them and escalated from then on, there was a time during the summer break of 2017 when Max found his friend banging on his door at three in the morning, sounding drunk and miserable.</p><p>He had let him in and the Aussie threw himself between his arms in a matter of seconds, sobbing like a child. Max’s mind was still hazed by sleep, but after the first surprise, he tried to calm Daniel down and ask what was going on.</p><p>Daniel has then begun to ramble against his shirt senselessly while snot and tears were wetting the fabric, but suddenly fled away from his arms when he felt the urge of vomit coming and heaved on the pavement, leaving Max stunned.</p><p>He had never seen his friend like that and couldn’t even think about the reason why, but he thought to leave the explanations for later, while he was rushing to the kitchen to take a wet cloth and a glass of water.</p><p>Daniel had made his way on the back of the sofa and was standing there curled up, his face pressed against his knees, ashamed. When he felt Max’s hand on his knee and the pressure of the glass in his hand, he had lifted his face and whispered a low sorry to Max.</p><p>The Dutchman has smiled reassuringly and begun to wipe off the vomit form the hard wood floor, still a little shocked about the events that happened in such a short period; he had then thrown the cloth in the kitchen sink and slumped against the sofa near Daniel.</p><p>He had encircled his friend’s shoulder and the Aussie had begun to tell him that it was Jules’ birthday that day and he was missing him immensely, even after all these years. Max’s stomach had turned at that, knotting in anguish, so he tightened his hold on his friend’s shoulder and stoked his arm in comfort. He didn’t know the two of them was this close and regretted the way he couldn’t have been there for Daniel the past years.</p><p>They sat on the floor for a while, the Aussie trying to even out his breath after the story, and when they were both on the verge of falling asleep, Max suggested going to his bedroom and trying to nap for the remaining hours. That was the first time they slept together on the same bed, and many more came afterwards.</p><p>But why Max? Why he was calling his name the other night? Daniel had never mentioned him in his nightmares, just Jules, or himself, so what was going on?</p><p>He decides to drop the thing and continues with his breakfast.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>“This is the place you needed to take me? A fucking <em>bar</em>?”</p><p>“It’s not a <em>bar</em>, it’s a gelateria. The best gelateria of all Rome, actually.”</p><p>“It’s fucking ten in the morning, Daniel.”</p><p>“And your point is?”</p><p>Max can’t believe they’re going to eat ice cream at this time; hell, they had breakfast nearly thirty minutes ago. He hopes Jack won’t be mad.</p><p>He stares at the big green and white letters from the outside that say GIOLITTI, and shrugs. It seems like a very old place, but at least the gelato will be good, he hopes.</p><p>The whole shop is covered by wood and big chandeliers hang from the ceiling; the counters are in dark granite with golden hems and they unravel all through the room, displaying countless of gelato’s flavours.</p><p>One elderly man welcomes Max and Daniel with a big smile. They are clearly the first clients of the day.</p><p>“Buongiorno! Che cosa posso fare per voi?” the man asks, and the Dutchman is glad his friend fills in for him (he tried learning even the most basic sentences, but the words are so difficult to pronounce).</p><p>“Due gelati, per favore,” Daniel says and holds two fingers up to the man. Cesare, he reads from the nameplate.</p><p>“Subito! Alberto, due gelati per i ragazzi americani!” he shouts to the back of the room and another man, probably his son, walks in from the sliding door. He positions himself behind the counter and asks them if they want a <em>cono</em> or a <em>coppetta.</em></p><p>Once again Daniel orders for Max, but leaves the flavour’s decision to him, since the names are in English as well. He thinks about it for some time, the number of <em>gusti</em> are infinite on the emerald boards above them, but in the end, he opts for <em>Tiramisu</em> and <em>Pistacchio</em> with whipped cream on.</p><p>Daniel chooses some Italian classics, <em>Bacio</em> and <em>Cassata Siciliana</em>, saying that the former is his Sicilian favourite desserts, and reminds him of the time he spent there with his family long ago.</p><p>They pay for the ice creams and sit on the outside tables, admiring the strange silence of the road, some tourists passing before them here and there. Like a toddler, Max spreads the chocolate all over his mouth, and Daniel laughs at him trying to clean him with the little napkin he has.</p><p>The situation gets worse the more he eats, but he’s fine with it because the ice cream is excellent and he can wash his mouth on the first drinking fountains he will find along the way.</p><p>They share the flavours between them, and even if it sounds gross Max finds it cute and really convenient, since he can try four flavours at the price of two. He declares his are better, though.</p><p> </p><p>He stands up reluctantly when Daniel tells him it’s almost time to set off for Vatican City, so he makes the Aussie drag him up from the seat and into his feet.</p><p>They briefly see the Pantheon and Piazza Navona along the way, Max genuinely surprised discovering that the square had been used as a big swimming pool in the 17<sup>th</sup> century to refresh Roman people during the summer.</p><p>He wished they had continued to do that, since the heat was becoming nearly unbearable for him, but unfortunately, they had redone the flooring in 1870 and it’s no longer possible due to the convexity of the space.</p><p>He splashes his face with some water fountain, hoping no one is around to witness that and carries on with his walking like nothing has happened.</p><p>They arrive at the Tiber’s shore in no time, and since Daniel thinks it’s still early for their visit, they stop at <a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/a/ad/Roma_Castel_s_Angelo_dic_2017.jpg/1024px-Roma_Castel_s_Angelo_dic_2017.jpg">Castel Sant’Angelo</a>, which makes Max groan soundly because of the adding walk.</p><p>They travel through the bridge guarded by angel statues placed on both of its sides, looking down on them. The building is huge but bare and simple, made of brown and red bricks. Originally it had been a mausoleum for the emperor Adrian but became a fortress in 410 AD when the Visigoth sacked Rome and Romans took shelter inside of it.</p><p>The appellative <em>San’t Angelo</em> came only in 590 AD when Pope Gregory I had a vision of the Archangel Michael during a procession for the ongoing pandemic. The angel was standing upon the building, putting back his sword on his sheath, and the Pope interpreted it as the symbol of the plague finally coming to an end.</p><p>They don’t have time to visit the inside, so they continue their walk to Vatican City until they see the San Peter’s dome stark clear against the sky. The elliptic square and the colonnade decorating its borders welcome them into a sort of a hug, while the church stands majestic at the end of it.</p><p>In the beginning, the San Peter’s church and the square were built by the emperor Constantine in the 5<sup>th</sup> century BC because they believed that San Peter’s body was buried in that area.</p><p>Nothing much survived, but during the 16<sup>th</sup> century thanks to Pope Giulio II, the area was rebuilt. Many artists joined the project such as Maderno, who did the façade of San Peter’s church, Michelangelo, who built the dome, and Raphael, who painted the insides.</p><p>It was Gian Lorenzo Bernini though that built the nowadays square. The Church needed the believers to feel welcome in the space, so the architect ideated two travertine colonnades at the sides of the square to make them feel hugged by God.</p><p>In the centre, an ancient Egyptian obelisk was brought in 1586 but had been in Rome since Emperor Augustus. During the Middle Ages, people had thought the big gilt ball at the top of the column contained Caesar’s ashes, but nowadays it has been removed and replaced with a Christian cross. Archaeologists opened the urn but found only dust in it.</p><p>Max stands at the centre of the place and suddenly feels small at the presence of the church; he looks around astonished for quite some time, until Daniel becomes a little impatient and guides him by the wrist into the Sistine Chapel.</p><p>The Dutchman said that <em>Altare della Patria</em> had taken his breath away, but when he enters in the Chapel he can definitely state that its lungs stop to function. The ceiling is huge and so high and the walls are painted everywhere that he doesn’t know where to look.</p><p>He starts from the central tier of the walls and admires the details carefully; the Stories of Moses and Christ painted by Botticelli and Perugino unravel all around, and even if doesn’t recognise every scene he pays attention nonetheless.</p><p>His eyes begin to look up once he has finished the bottom, and after passing the tier of Popes painted just below the beginning of the ceiling, he finally lifts his nose in the air. His breath hitches.</p><p>The famous painting of the <em>Creation of Adam</em> he saw going around the internet for all this time, is standing above him. He looks and looks and loses himself between the colours; he lifts a hand like trying to grasp the painting, to make it closer, but it remains there, unmoving.</p><p>He squints his eyes to discern every muscle and every cloth Michelangelo had painted, and his sight becomes wider the more he moves around, his neck sore by the uncomfortable position.</p><p>Then he stops and lowers his head.</p><p>The Last Judgment stands before his eyes and he suddenly feels small; the blue wall opens up endlessly, up to end of the Chapel, and the number of characters makes him dizzy. He looks attentively to the bodies and the way they feel so awfully realistic that seem like they are moving in that instant.</p><p>Max is so charmed by the vision that doesn’t see or hear Daniel approaching, but feels when the Aussie slides his hand into his, making him finally tear the gaze off from the painting. He looks straight into his friend’s brown eyes and smiles.</p><p>“It’s amazing” he whispers on the verge of tears and god, he can’t believe that a work of art could reduce a person like this. He has developed the Stendhal Syndrome for sure.</p><p>Daniel smiles back, the kind of smile he reserves only to people he loves, and Max feels whole. They continue to watch the painting silently, and he keeps stroking his thumb on Daniel’s hand the entire time.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>When they finally exit from the Chapel, the air has suddenly become too hot to breathe so they shelter in the nearest <em>trattoria</em> with some air conditioning on and they grab something to eat.</p><p>The place is small and homey, with checkered white and red tablecloth and little wicker bowls with fresh bread on the tables. It’s not their usual luxury restaurants but they can manage.</p><p>The waitress is a young girl who speaks little English, so Daniel tries to show his best Italian off just to impress her while asking for the best dishes the place has. Max feels out of place for a moment and buries his head behind the menu.</p><p>He doesn’t talk and lets his friend decide for him, but when the girl leaves with their ordination, Daniel turns his whole attention to him once again and presses his foot against Max’s calf in a comforting gesture.</p><p>Okay, <em>maybe</em> he’s a little bit too overreacting. Just because they hold hands for some time doesn’t mean they’re suddenly a couple, right? Daniel can flirt with whomever he wants, he thinks, trying to convince himself.</p><p>The pressure on his leg doesn’t stop though, so he returns the thing by touching Daniel’s ankle with the side of his right foot. They smirk at each other like two teenagers.</p><p>Their dishes come just after some minutes, since they are one of the few clients in the whole restaurant, but they seem appetizing. Daniel can’t believe they have already spent three days in Rome and still didn’t try <em>carbonara</em>.</p><p>It’s like, the universal city symbol, screw the Colosseum.</p><p>The pasta is so good that they ask for seconds like they aren’t still professional athletes who will need to race in a month or so, but whatever, their trainers will sort something out.</p><p>Before they ask for the bill, what they presume is the owner of the restaurant comes to them with two glasses of wine and a plate.</p><p>“Per i due innamorati, questo lo offre la casa” he says to Daniel with a fond voice. “<em>Pangiallo</em>, tipico dolce romano” and shows them the cake slices.</p><p>“No– Noi non siamo–,” his friend answers urgently and Max can see the panic flashes before his eyes. He doesn’t know what is going on, but Daniel smiles sheepishly and thanks the man in return.</p><p>“What did he say?”</p><p>“He said– He said that this is on the house. It’s called <em>pangiallo</em>.”</p><p>Daniel lowers his gaze and begins to eat the dessert and chunk down the wine almost embarrassed, and Max suspects he isn’t saying the whole truth. He shrugs and eats the sweet anyway.</p><p>It’s tastier than it looks: its crust is made of saffron, so that’s why it is yellow, but on the inside, there is chocolate, nuts, honey and some candied fruit. It’s not Max’s <em>tiramisu</em>, but it goes well with wine and feels crumbly in his mouth. He likes it.</p><p>They finish their <em>pangiallo</em> and pay the bill; the man wishes them a good day and Daniel calls an Uber for their trip back to home because it’s too hot to even walk.</p><p>In the backseat, Max pretends to fall on Daniel at the first curve and presses his whole body against him. Daniel groans because it’s sweaty and gross and so fucking warm but doesn’t pull Max away; instead, he wraps his hand around Max’s thigh and keeps it there, moving his rose-inked thumb up and down.</p><p>(Max shivers even with 35 degrees outside.)</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>They spend the rest of the afternoon sprawled on the sofa, watching on tv some stupid show about home makeovers with the air conditioning on. Daniel is sitting slouched on the cushions while he mindlessly runs his fingers through Max’s hair, whose head is staying in his lap.</p><p>He is on the verge of falling asleep when the phone in his pocket rings; he takes it out lazily, but he when he sees the name on the screen he panics a little, and scramble on his feet immediately.</p><p>“Just a moment,” he says to Daniel trying to reassure the concern in his eyes, even if the Aussie perfectly knows who is calling Max. He just wishes he wouldn’t respond.</p><p>Max withdraws in their bedroom for some privacy and slides a finger on the phone to accept his father’s call. “Hello, Papa.” His voice trembles a bit too much for his liking because he sounds like a damn child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.</p><p>“Where are you? Why aren’t you taking my calls, mh?”</p><p>“I’m– I’m on holiday, Papa. I’m busy.”</p><p>“<em>On holiday?</em> You are a Formula One racing driver and you are on holiday in the middle of the season? Are you actually out of your head?” his father’s tone rumbles on the other end of the phone, and Max feels it echoing in his bones.</p><p>“I– Papa, Daniel invited me and I couldn’t–”</p><p>“Are you there with <em>Ricciardo</em>? I can’t believe it. He’s supposed to be your sworn enemy, son, not your friend. You’re coming home <em>now</em>.”</p><p>At this point, Max is breaking under his father’s pressure, and he is angry at himself about how much power he still holds over his life, so he takes a big breath and does a thing he has never done before.</p><p>“Listen Papa, I’m staying as long as I want. Formula One is still one month away so I have all the time to prepare myself. And Daniel is not my rival, not here, in the real life. He’s my friend, and you have to deal with it.”</p><p>He doesn’t believe the words have tumbled out of his mouth with such speed, and he waits in silence for his father’s response.</p><p>“How dare you talk to me like this? Don’t even try to come back home, because I swear to god you won’t leave the place in one piece, you hear me?” he shouts like mad, and then ends the call seconds after.</p><p>Max lets out a shaky breath and slumps on the mattress. On one hand, he is scared to death because his father has just threatened to kill him if he returns to Amsterdam, but on the other, he feels light and relieved for the first time in his life, because he has finally proven to himself that he isn’t a scared little kid anymore.</p><p>He counts to ten and tries to calm himself down, but the tears are forming at the corner of his eyes and he can’t stop it. He lets them fall while his thumbnail is pressing a red half-moon on his right arm until it bleeds and his mind gets quieter.</p><p>He does it another time, just below the first one, and he knows it’s fucked up but it’s the only thing that is grounding him to reality now, the pain. He stares at the yellow wall in front of him and recites every corner of the Monaco circuit.</p><p>It’s a technique he has learned back in the day because it makes him steady and focused. When one circuit isn’t enough, he moves to another one and goes on until he feels his heartbeat slow down at a normal pace.</p><p>Max snaps out of his trance after quite some time and realises his arm is bleeding, so he goes to the bathroom and leaves cold water run over the wounds. He then comes back to the living room and finds Daniel in the same spot as he was before, but now his body feels unhinged and his leg won’t stop bouncing.</p><p>Max slumps in the empty seat next to his friend and lays his head on his shoulder, burying his nose in the crook of the neck. Daniel wraps his arms around his body immediately, and strokes Max’s back up and down when he feels tears wetting his shirt. He stays there noiseless and lets the Aussie comfort him, kissing his tears stained cheeks and hugging him tighter.</p><p>The sun comes down on them, but they don’t care, and they remain huddled on the couch until their stomachs grumble.</p><p>“What about I order some pizza and then we can relax in the Jacuzzi, mh? Sounds like a plan for you?”</p><p>Max hums in response and feels so emptied of every emotion that he is happy Daniel is there to make decisions for him; he nuzzles closer and the Aussie keeps stroking his hair.</p><p>At some point, when his limbs ache for the uncomfortable position he is sat, Max stands up to take a shower, and Daniel opens the door to the pizza man. The Dutch takes his time under the water and feels relaxed when he cleans his skin with his friend’s shower gel, just to make his body smell like Daniel’s.</p><p>They eat on the balcony, Max already with his swimsuit on, and they watch the <em>Altare</em> all lightened up as their entertainment, with big slices of Margherita pizza between them and a solid bottle of red wine.</p><p>When they finish their dinner, Daniel leaves for a moment to put on his bathing suit as well and joins Max on the Jacuzzi not long after. They shiver at first, now that the light wind brushes on their bare chests, but the alcohol on their veins keeps them warm enough. Daniel takes the bottle of wine with him in the tub, and he shares it with Max until it’s empty.</p><p> </p><p>He is staring at the sky trying to count the stars when he suddenly feels Daniel’s hand on his thigh, caressing the skin backwards and forwards. Max feels pliant under the Aussie’s touch, and he twists his neck to look at his friend’s face, smiling softly.</p><p>“Do you ever think about it?” Daniel mutters, with his voice heavy from alcohol and his eyes blown.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“About the past…what could have been.”</p><p>Daniel doesn’t say it out loud, but Max understands anyway.</p><p>“All the time,” he hears himself saying, and it feels like time is slowing down.</p><p>The Aussie keeps stroking his leg, and now his hand has made its way under the hem of his shorts, but Max doesn’t mind, so he nudges his leg against Daniel’s one, suggesting to continue.</p><p>“Would you change anything if you could?” Dan asks after a pause, and he seems like he is staring directly thorough Max’s soul. His tongue is loose, and the words tumble forwards without even thinking.</p><p>“No…No, Daniel. I’ve loved every moment. Except for the ending, I guess.”</p><p>Daniel keeps looking at him, and his hand stops on his thigh. “I’m sorry. You know I’m sorry, right?” his voice feels like a plea, and Max swears he can see Daniel’s eyes shining with tears. “I wish I could make it up for it,” he then adds under his breath.</p><p>“You can,” Max answers instantaneously, and he doesn’t even know what is happening until he feels Daniel’s mouth on his, clashing against his lips.</p><p>The kiss is lazy and amateur, the wine already making its course through their bodies, but they make up for some time, with Daniel’s licking Max’s mouth and teeth while the younger one takes his face between his hands, caressing his beard back and forth. Daniel massages Max’s thigh more fervently until he reaches his hipbone, but they don’t go far from that, so they sit in the Jacuzzi until the water starts to warm up because of their body heat.</p><p>They pull apart when the Dutch accidentally yawns on Daniel’s mouth, and they laugh about it while trying to stand up and reach the bedroom hand in hand; they take off their swimsuits and pull on some briefs in the dark of the room, hitting the side rail of the bed more than once, wincing in pain.</p><p>Daniel curls up against Max’s back on the mattress second after, and slides his arm under his armpit, keeping him closer, while the other one intertwines their legs under the sheets.</p><p>Neither of them has nightmares that night.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>“Buongiorno! Che cosa posso fare per voi?” – “Good morning, wat can I do for you?”<br/>“Due gelati, per favore” – “Two ice creams, please.”<br/>“Subito! Alberto, due gelati per i ragazzi americani!” – “Right away! Alberto two ice creams for the American boys.”<br/>“Per i due innamorati, questo lo offre la casa” “Pangiallo, tipico dolce romano.” – “For the love birds, this is on the house.” “Pangiallo, Roman typical dessert.”<br/>“No- Noi non siamo-” – “No- We aren’t-”</p><p> </p><p>Fucking finally, am I right?<br/>Btw, I’ve been at the Giolitti’s gelateria, but can’t remember the names of the two men who took my order, so I had to make them up sorry lol.<br/>Oh, and I haven’t visited Sistine Chapel yet but my grandma did and told me she felt like Max when she had seen it, so I reported her feelings into the story &lt;3<br/>Also, you can virtually visit the Chapel <a href="http://www.museivaticani.va/content/museivaticani/it/collezioni/musei/cappella-sistina/tour-virtuale.html">here.</a></p><p>Thanks for sticking around! Remember to leave some kudos and comments! &lt;3<br/>You can find my tumblr <a href="https://vershstappen.tumblr.com/">here.</a></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I’m just warning you. Enjoy this chapter while it lasts. Oh, and sorry if the sex scene is embarrassing but I’m more virgin that the olive oil lol.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Max wakes feeling a little bit hazy, but he smiles when he notices Daniel drooling on the front of his t-shirt. He nudges him closer and closes his eyes again, thinking about yesterday night’s memories.</p><p>He feels a little scared, honestly. The last time things started like this, they ended with both of them not talking for months, so the dread of that happening again nags at the pit of his stomach. Daniel had never explained to him why he left Max waking up in an empty bed that forsaken morning of December, and he sure never asked.</p><p>He remained on his room for the following three days, trying to find reasons for Dan to leave like this unprompted, while staring at the wall in front of him or sobbing into the void of the pillow that still smelt like Daniel’s cologne, until exhaustion would eventually put him to sleep.</p><p>His dreams weren’t much nicer than the reality after all, and he would wake in the middle of the night in searching for his inhalator after such a long time without using it.</p><p>On his fourth day of comatose life, he decided to do something about himself that wasn’t jumping from the window and called his mom. He broke down on her the second she had begun to speak and called him <em>mijn lieveling</em>, and he asked if he could stay with her for the rest of the week, promising to tell her everything once he would have arrived in Amsterdam.</p><p>A week became a month, and he recovered from his broken heart a day after the other, weeping on his mum’s shoulder during the night and trying to go on with life during the day.</p><p>He even met up with Victoria one afternoon and told her everything, because she was his sister and she had the right to know. She hugged him tightly once he had finished talking and she whispered under her breath that Daniel could go fuck himself; they cheered to that with a glass of wine and spent the night watching cartoons like little kids.</p><p>December became January, and Max felt ready to go back to Monaco both physically and psychologically speaking, trying his best not to think about Daniel literally living above his apartment.</p><p>They once met on the stairwell at the beginning of February, and the Aussie said he was moving out to Los Angeles. Max held his breath during the whole conversation and whispered a little goodbye when he was opening his flat’s door.</p><p>He was proud of himself because he didn’t break down soon after the conversation, but he spent Valentine’s Day with a bottle of vodka while staring at the ceiling, wishing the wall could open up and he could look at Dan’s empty apartment.</p><p>When the season started again, the briefings at Red Bull were very awkward, but they tried their best to hide everything, and when they went back to racing in March, Max seemed to have forgotten about all of it and was finally ready to move on with his life.</p><p>                                                                                                 </p><p>“Hey, what are you thinking about?” Daniel shakes him up from the haze of the memories and lightly kisses him good morning. Max can’t believe how much he has missed this.</p><p>“Nothing” and he strokes the Aussie’s hair away from his brown eyes. “Us.”</p><p>He doesn’t explain himself further, but Daniel knows what he is referring to; he kisses Max once again to make him understand.</p><p>“Ew, stop. Brush your teeth at least.”</p><p>“Never” Daniel chuckles, but his tone becomes serious right after. “I’m here, okay? I’m here for you.”</p><p>Max stares into his eyes to find reassurance, and smiles back trying to convince himself of that; Daniel leaves a peck on his cheek and stands up to take a shower.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>For their last day, Daniel has rented a car to reach a little city just thirty minutes away from Rome called Tivoli, and Max is glad it is old enough not to have an aux cord, so they are stuck with some Italian music instead of Dan’s usual one.</p><p>It’s not like Max hates it, but if he had to decide between Pooh and his friend’s songs he would definitely choose the latter.</p><p> </p><p>The traffic is not bad like when they first arrived, but there are some queues here and there outside Rome’s interchange, so Daniel tries to sing along with the radio songs while they are waiting.</p><p>He is so off-key that Max thinks that if he lowers the window it will actually begin to rain, so before Daniel hits the high note of the song, Max shuts him up with a kiss, a little embarrassed when he realises what he has done immediately after.</p><p>The Aussie is a little taken aback by the sudden gesture, but he smiles in return and stares at Max, who twists his body away to hide himself. “I could it more often if that’s the reward,” Daniel laughs and takes Max’s hand in his and lays them on his thigh, comforting him.</p><p>“Keep doing this and next time I’ll shut you with my shoe.” The Dutchman finds the courage to speak, trying to sound threatening, but Daniel laughs at him and keeps stroking his thumb over his skin.</p><p>“C’mon grandma, we’re moving” Max then adds, and Dan takes off his hand from his to change gear, but then puts it where it was a second after.</p><p> </p><p>They arrive in Tivoli at almost eleven am, and they eat their sandwiches sitting on the hood of the car in a parking lot, while Daniel is trying to find the place on Google Maps. They walk through the city’s streets on foot, and when they finally arrive at the <em>Villa Adriana</em>’s entrance a tourist guide is waiting for them.</p><p>Clara welcomes the two boys and asks to follow her inside a building to look at a scale model of the <em>Villa</em> before actually visiting it. As she explains, the area is vast, almost 120 hectares, and Emperor Adrian built the place in 118 AD just because he didn’t like the chaotic atmosphere of Rome, and wanted something peaceful to live in. Nowadays only foundations and ruins remain, but the area once contained temples, gyms, thermal baths, and private houses. A little city just for the Emperor, Clara adds smiling.</p><p>Max admires the scale model for the entire time and goes around it trying to understand every part.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The first thing they visit is the <a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f0/Lazio_Tivoli2_tango7174.jpg/1024px-Lazio_Tivoli2_tango7174.jpg"><em>Teatro Marittimo</em></a><em>, </em>the residence of the Emperor. It’s a circular portico that stands on the border of a big canal and has a sort of islet in the centre, which was Adrian’s bedroom. The place in the middle was connected to the land by a drawbridge that only the Emperor could control, so this gave him as much privacy as he needed it.</p><p>“I wish we had a bedroom like this, you know Maxy? So Horner or Marko wouldn’t bother us. We would stand there enjoying Netflix while they would scream from the other side of the canal to make them come in; an absolute dream.” Daniel laughs and Max nudges at his shoulder, smiling at the thought; they really could use it for his father as well.</p><p>They follow Clara through a vast green area called <em>Antineion</em> and she explains to them how it once was a place dedicated to Antinoo, Adrian’s lover; the boy fell into the Nile River and died drowning in 130 AD, and the Emperor became so desperate and miserable after his death, then when he came back from his Egypt trip he erected two temples in his honour on the other side of his bedroom, so he could watch them and be reminded of him.</p><p>Max feels suddenly sad hearing the story and thinks how the Emperor must have felt after his lover’s death, in such a big a place all alone, how was to go to bed and see the temples in the distance and remember that Antinoo was no longer there with him. He tries to think about for a moment what he would do if he couldn’t see Daniel again and his mind digs in some dark places he was sure he had erased long ago.</p><p>“You okay?” Dan asks as soon as he noticed him zoning out, his hand intertwining with his. Clara is already far enough not to notice it.</p><p>“Yeah, I was thinking about…Adrian. What a grief he must have been in.”</p><p>“Poor man… Seeing your lover drowning it’s not something you would expect from a relationship. You <em>can</em> swim, right? I don’t want to go through that either.”</p><p>“Shut up, you twat.” Max laughs at Daniel; he doesn’t know if the flutter in his stomach is because Dan has said he would save him even in a situation like that, or because he has accidentally called them lovers. He tightens his grip on their hands and follows their guide up to the last place.</p><p>The <em>Canopo </em>is a temple that replicates the one in Canopy, a city that the Emperor visited during his trip in Egypt, and the pool in the middle symbolises the Nile River, while its borders are decorated with Greek Gods statues; on the end of the pool stands the imperial triclinium, an area where Adrian could eat with his guests and watch exhibitions from.</p><p>Clara shows them around the little green area, and the place is practically empty, so she suggests going up to the hill and relaxing watching the <em>Canopo</em> from above. Max is sad that the visit has already finished, but they thank Clara for her time and say goodbye by kissing twice her cheeks.</p><p> </p><p>Daniel guides Max through the green of the hillside and they sit with a huff on the first bench they encounter, a little exhausted by the walking, and they admire how the marble statues reflect on the water of the pool.</p><p>“Did you like it?” Dan asks him, while he stretches his arm on the back of Max’s shoulder.</p><p>“It was really interesting. I can’t believe a person could live in such a place back in the time. It’s fucking huge.”</p><p>“Yeah, but you had everything you needed in one place, so it’s reasonable.”</p><p>“Can you imagine how it would take to go from a place to another? It’s not like they had hoverboards.”</p><p>Daniel bursts out laughing at Max’s joke, but the Dutchman stands in his sit serious.</p><p>“I’m not joking. How would they do it? Fuck, I needed to ask Clara.”</p><p>“Max, you never cease to amaze me.”</p><p>“In a good way or in a bad way?”</p><p>“Both” and Daniel kisses him soundly not to make him reply to that. It’s their very first kiss since their drunk make-out session of yesterday night and the casually pecks of this morning, so Daniel takes his time to licks Max’s bottom lip; after all, there isn’t anyone around to witness it.</p><p>They break apart to take their breaths and smile to each other; Max is glowing and he feels his heart rate speeds up a little in the heat of the moment, and he leaves a peck on Daniel’s lips just to taste him once again, reminding him that this is real and he won’t wake up from a dream in a matter of seconds.</p><p>It’s like this kiss swept away the fears of this morning when he had thought of Daniel leaving him once again, and he feels safe for the first time since January.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Before leaving, they decide to visit one last place, <em>Villa d’Este</em>. In 1550 upon the request of the cardinal Ippolito d’Este the architect Pirro Ligorio transformed what was once a nunnery into a splendid building where the churchman could spend his free time relaxing. The main attraction though is not the inside of the palace, but its gardens that develop on different terraces, rich of fountains, waterfalls and caverns; the whole <em>Villa</em> is immersed in the green, with beautiful plants surrounding the place and water games on every balcony.</p><p>They start from the top where the entrance is, and they slowly work their way down through small trails, stopping once in a while to admire the sight. It’s peaceful and relaxing, and the only sound is the water running from the fountains or birds chirping from the trees. It’s like walking into the Eden.</p><p> </p><p>Max runs his hand through the water and finds it cold and refreshing, so since the sign says that it’s drinkable, he fills his bottle with it, and takes some sips, sighing at the relief it brings on a hot day like that. He is refilling the bottle once again when Daniel takes some water in his palm and splashes it into Max’s face like a child; the Dutchman groans out in frustration and they begin a war that ends with the front of their t-shirts completely soaked in water.</p><p>“Could you please act like a mature person for a second?” Max asks says trough laughs, trying too dry off his shirt. Sometimes he forgets Dan is nearly thirty.</p><p>“Nope. Someone has to be the silly one in this relationship if you are the grumpy one.”</p><p>“I’m not the grumpy one,” Max answers with a scowl.</p><p>“See, you’ve just proven my point,” and Daniel takes him by the hand and kisses the frown off his face. “Better” he adds, and Max rolls his eyes. They finish the rest of the walk hand in hand.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The trip back to Rome is nice and smooth, not so much traffic like on the way here, and the Aussie has found a radio station that plays some indie music, so this time he can hum along actually knowing the words.</p><p>Max watches the landscape go by from his window, his forehead plastered on the glass while he fiddles with Daniel’s hand on his thigh, tired. He stares at the sun hiding between the hills and closes his eyes.</p><p>He’s happy, overall; he spent this week feeling the best he has ever been since the beginning of the year and that’s because of Daniel. He thinks that if he could talk with the Max of the Past he is sure he would have laughed hysterically at the thing.</p><p>He wonders if it was part of Daniel’s plan to make their relationship go back like it was a year ago as well.</p><p>Max had different relationships during his teenager years, but no one was like the one he had with Daniel. He loved how he could understand him wholly and fully in a matter of seconds, and how he would be always there for him, even when his lungs threatened to stop, and he would try his best not to break down at the situation.</p><p>Max thinks he had never experienced such a fondness for another person.</p><p>Daniel was also the first friendly face he had encountered once arrived in the paddock. His father always said that Formula One was not a place to make friends, only rivals, but when the Aussie welcomed him the first day at Red Bull with a grin on his lips and a shake of his hand, Max’s reality broke down like a mirror at his feet, starting to question if maybe his father was wrong after all.</p><p>The first year passed swiftly for both of them, and even if Max hadn’t reached his goals for the 2016 season, at least he was happy he had made a friend along the way, and Max fell in love with Daniel without even realising it.</p><p>He was ashamed of himself because he had never liked boys in the past, but he couldn’t explain how the Aussie would make his stomach flip every time they would casually touch.</p><p>He hid this secret for the longest time, making it consume his body from within, until one day he couldn’t hold it anymore. Max remembers Malaysia with a smile on his lips and mentally slaps at his old self from not doing it before, fearing that Daniel wouldn’t reciprocate the feeling.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” the Aussie shakes him from his train of thoughts and he ruffles his hair.</p><p>Max takes his hand and repositions it on his lap. “I was thinking about our first kiss. God, it was bad.”</p><p>“Nah, you were okay,” Daniel chuckles with tenderness. “I mean, for a guy kissing a dude for the first time like you, it was good enough. I practically stood there with my lips sealed when I kissed my first boy. It was embarrassing, really.”</p><p>Max smiles and here it is again, Dan sharing with him such fond memories of his past. He has never asked if he had boyfriends before him, but he guesses this answers his question, even if he suspected it a long time ago. The Aussie was always so sure and confident about what to do and how to guide Max into things he has never done before, and he felt happy, somewhat cared.</p><p>“Tell me more about it,” Max genuinely asks and the rest of the journey ends up with Daniel recounting the one time he kissed a guy in the back of a barn.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>They stop for a little trip to the supermarket because Dan wants to do a barbecue on the balcony and he needs some meat, and Max picks a good bottle of wine since they have finished the other one yesterday.</p><p>He takes a shower while Daniel prepares the heat for the ribs, and the Aussie puts some Italian Love Songs playlist on Spotify just to create an atmosphere; he sets the table on the terrace with a white tablecloth and wine glasses, like a proper romantic date.</p><p>He chuckles in embarrassment because he can’t believe he is really doing it, especially for Max, since he’s not a very romantic person, but then realises they have never had a first date, so it’s about time to fix that.</p><p>It’s all very anticlimactic,</p><p>because they both wear shorts and slippers, and their dinner it’s not a sophisticated dish, but they enjoy it nonetheless; they eat with their hands and Daniel ruins his t-shirt with some BBQ sauce.</p><p>“To our last day in Rome,” Dan cheers and lifts his glass in the air.</p><p>“Wait, isn’t it technically tomorrow?”</p><p>“Yes, but we have the flight after lunch, so it’s technically just a half-day.”</p><p>“Okay, but we can’t drink to that. It’s not…accurate.”</p><p>Daniel huffs. Why he has to be stubborn about everything in his life?</p><p>“<em>Fine</em>. To our second to last day in Rome.”</p><p>“Cheers, mate!” Max laughs and they clink their glasses together.</p><p>The silence that once filled their meals is not so uncomfortable anymore; it developed into appreciation, comfort and knowledge of the other, so when they sip their wine in the quiet of the night they feel calm and relaxed, their feet brush against each other under the table.</p><p>On the tv screen, the Spotify app plays a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSi0dbNAN9M">song</a> that Daniel recognises, and he smiles when the piano starts. “God, I love this song,” he says looking at Max in the eyes. “Would you dance with me?”</p><p>The Dutchman shakes his head. He has never danced with someone and doesn’t want to embarrass himself even further. “You know I can’t dance,” he states as he would actually make his friend change idea.</p><p>“And neither do I, but it will be fun, I swear,” and Daniel extends his hand in an inviting gesture, so Max rolls his eyes and reluctantly accepts. “I can’t promise I won’t stomp on your feet though,” he adds, but the Aussie doesn’t care and pulls both of them in the centre of the terrace. He takes Max’s hand high in the air, and places his cheek on his friend’s shoulder, beginning to swing their bodies back and forth when the verse begins.</p><p>
  <em>Sai, la gente è strana</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Prima si odia e poi si ama</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Prima la verità poi mentirà lui</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Senza serietà, come fosse niente.</em>
</p><p>Max doesn’t understand a word, but he can feel the grief and the anger of the singer through her voice, and he closes his eyes caught in the moment.</p><p>
  <em>Tu, tu che sei diverso</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Almeno tu nell'universo</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Un punto sei, che non ruota mai intorno a me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Un sole che splende per me soltanto</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Come un diamante in mezzo al cuore.</em>
</p><p>The power of the chorus hits him hard. He doesn’t why but he suddenly feels the urge to cry. “Dimmi che per sempre sarai sincero,” Daniel whispers the following lines on Max’s ear, “E che mi amerai davvero…Di più, di più, di più.”</p><p>Their eyes meet after the chorus has finished, and Max notices how the Aussie’s eyes have become suddenly watery like his, so he encircles his waist and kisses him deeply.</p><p>The song goes on and Max makes him open his mouth, slowly, while Daniel finds his way up to his shirt. They both shiver with pleasure, and Max’s skin rises with goosebumps, even if Dan’s fingertips are hot and solid on his hips.</p><p>
  <em>Non cambierai</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dimmi che per sempre sarai sincero</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E che mi amerai davvero</em>
</p><p>
  <em>E davvero di più.</em>
</p><p>They arrive at the end of the song breathless, and they exhale from their nose soundly, smiling at each other while their eyes fill with hunger. Another song plays in the background but they don’t care.</p><p>“Let’s take it to the bedroom, shall we?” Daniel asks with such eagerness in his voice, and Max answers back by smashing their lips together another time.</p><p>They manage to get to the room in some way or another, since they won’t stop making out, and when Max feels the bottom rail of the bed against his calf, he drops on the mattress and takes Daniel with him as well. The Aussie straddles him in the making and they continue kissing, stopping only to take off each other’s clothes.</p><p>Daniel goes down to Max’s chest, leaving a trail of kisses on his stomach, and stops when he finds the zip of his shorts. He fumbles with it and then returns on his mouth, while he tries to take off his shorts as well; their crotch touch through the fabric of their briefs and Max groans.</p><p>“Wait a second,” Daniel says and goes fumbling for his lube and a condom in the bottom of his suitcase.</p><p>“You really thought of everything, uh?” Max teases him, but his voice trembles for the excitement. Fuck, it’s been a long time.</p><p>“You never know,” and the Aussie is back on him again, lowering Max’s boxers while kissing his thighs. He exhales soundly and thank god he is lying down because his body feels like jelly.</p><p>“Dan– I–” he tries to say, but he is almost dizzy, so he takes a breath and reorganises his thoughts. “It’s been– you know, I’ve never– I’ve never since us– And–,” he huffs in frustration; fuck, he sounds like a sixteen-year-old teenager. “Can you please take it slow?” he finally manages to say out loud, and he senses his cheeks growing hot in embarrassment.</p><p>Daniel lifts his head from Max’s lap and smiles fondly at him. He returns on his lips and kisses him tenderly. “Of course I can. I’ll take good care of you, okay?” he whispers on his ear and Max shivers.</p><p>They make out for a while, slowly but passionate, and Max doesn’t even notice when Dan spreads some lube on his hole and inserts his ring finger inside of him; he hitches when the index comes as well, but Daniel shushes him and tries to loosen him up just a little bit more.</p><p>He puts a condom on and takes Max’s legs around his waist, gently pushing the tip of his cock near the hole to work his way inside gradually; the Dutchman groans in pleasure against his mouth, and Daniel smiles when they begin to move steadily.</p><p>He makes Max decide the pace, he doesn’t want to go too fast, and they swing back and forth, the bed creaking below them and they hope their neighbours won’t mind.</p><p>Max’s erection pulses between their chests and Daniel takes it in his hands to stroke him gently, while the Dutchman grips at the covers. Their breaths begin to go faster, and they pant on each other’s mouth, kissing messily between one breath and the other until Daniel comes inside of him and Max follows no longer after. He pulls out from his body and throws the condom on the pavement, the adrenaline coming down already.</p><p>“How did you like that?” Dan has the strength to ask when he lies on the mattress near to Max. “I missed you so much,” the younger tries to say without crying, and he hugs Daniel tightly to muffle his voice, but he feels a lump forming at the base of his throat already.</p><p><em>Please don’t leave</em> he wants to add, because his mind won’t stop reckoning the moment he woke up alone in an empty bed that morning of a year ago.</p><p>“Don’t cry, come on. I’m here and won’t leave you, okay? I swear to god I’m not leaving.”</p><p>It seems like Daniel has read his mind in that moment, and when he hears the Aussie’s voice breaking as well at the end of the sentence, he holds him closer as much as he can.</p><p>They stay naked between each other’s arms while the moon is high in the sky and filters through the windows, illuminating their forms. Their breaths are a little too fast, still high on emotions, but the air feels lighter, almost more breathable.</p><p>Max thinks about Daniel’s words again and really hopes he will keep his promise and won’t wake up alone the following morning. His mind is clouded with questions and what-ifs, and all the memories of that December night mix with his present feelings. Dan kisses his forehead repeatedly and continues to whisper his promise like a chant on Max’s ear, hoping he will finally understand.</p><p>He kisses him one last time with his eyes still a little bit watery and then falls asleep with the Dutchman sprawled over his chest.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>That night Max dreams about the same beach he has seen two days ago, standing in the exact same position, and watching between the tides looking for something he can’t place, while the water crawls on his ankles and his eyes squint against the light of the sun.</p><p>His sight is blurred and can’t discern the figure coming from the sea, so he tries to move closer and then he suddenly finds Daniel with his hand outstretched. “I was waiting for you,” he says smiling to Max and intertwines their fingers together.</p><p>His face is bright and the brown eyes reflect the waves of the ocean, while the sun behind his shoulders lightens his curls like a halo. Max smiles in return and they stand on the shore unmoving, watching the sun carefully rising below the horizon.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We did it guys, I’m so fucking happy. I’ll try to give them some peace for a while, but expect the unexpected eheheh.</p><p>Also, I’ve found <a href="https://lyricstranslate.com/en/almeno-tu-nelluniverso-least-you-universe.html">here</a> the link to the song translation if you want! It’s one of my favourite ever and I was so excited to write that dance scene.<br/>Remember to leave kudos and comments! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Last chapter folks! Hold on tight, this will be a hell of an emotional roller coaster.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Max opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is the sleepy face of Daniel merely centimetres away from his nose, and he sighs in relief. He knows Dan promised he would stay, but Max had every reason to doubt that, given the past events; he feels reassured though, and safe, when he notices his friend’s arm slumped around his waist in a way to say <em>I won’t let you go.</em></p><p>The sunlight illuminates his skin and the tattoos sprinkle under a thin line of sweat. Max brushes the brown curls away from his forehead and leaves a feathery peck on his lips, hoping he won’t wake up; he looks so young and peaceful, and he doesn’t want to disturb it.</p><p>Max can’t believe they stayed away from each other for months, without even talking or touching; sure, he had the right reasons, but he didn’t lie when he said he missed Daniel so much, because it is true; the Aussie has always been by his side, andhis absence in the past year fucking hurt like a limb being torn from his body.</p><p>He checks his phone and realises is almost ten, so he begins to kiss Daniel’s eyelids and then his jaw and his mouth to wake him up. The Aussie opens his eyes and stretches, the corners of his lips lifting. “Good morning,” he cheers and Max kisses him again.</p><p>“What about the brushing-teeth-before-kissing rule?” he groans out a little bit disgusted, but his smile fails him.</p><p>“We’ve never had it, and we won’t start having it now, even if I think is gross,” Max answers back and leaves another peck on his mouth. “You need to shave regularly though; my sensitive skin can’t take it.”</p><p>“Ugh, you’re so needy,” Daniel whines but holds him closer, and buries his nose between Max’s golden hair. “Join me in the shower?” he asks after some time, and the Dutchman takes his hand in a second and leads both of them to the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>They lather each other’s hair and play with the bubbles like little kids, but it ends with Max giving Daniel a fantastic blowjob under the water spray, a way to thank him after yesterday (he didn’t remember Dan’ cum tasted so sweet).</p><p>Last night’s clothes are scattered at the end of the bed, and Max puts on his friend’s briefs without noticing while Daniel wears one of his t-shirt that is so long that covers his knees; they prepare omelettes on the kitchen together and they eat them in the balcony. Everything feels oddly domestic.</p><p>They pack their suitcases no longer after, and they throw at each other dirty clothes like they actual have time to waste. “I swear to god, sometimes I wonder if you are thirty or sixteen.”</p><p>“Hey, it’s twenty-nine for you, <em>son</em>,” Daniel answers back and shoves a pair of boxers against Max’s head once again.</p><p>“I'm going <em>right now</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>They leave the house keys in the letterbox like Nicoletta asked Dan yesterday, when she sent a message saying that she is sad she can’t wave them goodbye but hopes they enjoyed their stay.</p><p>The traffic for the Fiumicino airport is dense, and Max keeps bouncing his leg in fear they won’t make it, slapping at himself when he thinks about how much time they wasted this morning. Daniel lays his hand on his knee in a reassuring gesture and draws circles in the crook of his joint to calm him down.</p><p>They arrive just in time for the take-off and fortunately their seats are close, so Daniel doesn’t need to ask any elder woman to swap positions with him.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you going to do now?” Max asks after their departure. He has thought about it the whole journey to the airport, and he’s scared about Dan’s answer. He doesn’t want this dream to end.</p><p>“Well, I thought maybe I can stay with you in Monaco for the rest of the week. If you want me, of course.” Daniel laughs nervously, and god he wants to kick him in the head. “What are you talking about, of course I do. You twat,” and Max nudges at his arm with his elbow. Why would he think that? The last two days have been pretty self-explanatory, in his opinion.</p><p>He takes Daniel’s hand in his lap and draws patterns on his knuckles for the rest of the trip, while big fluffy clouds pass by through the window.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>The apartment is dark and dusty when they arrive, so Max opens the curtains and mentally reminds himself to call the cleaning lady; they feel tired even if the flight was only one hour long, and they slump on the couch to watch some Netflix, too lazy to unpack or do anything else.</p><p>It’s just after seven pm when Daniel complains that he is hungry, and Max rolls his eyes and takes both of them to the supermarket since his fridge is practically empty. Dan insists on replicating the carbonara they had in Rome, so he buys everything he needs according to Google, and the Dutchman patiently waits for him at the checkout.</p><p>It’s not like the one they ate in Italy, but Daniel did his best and the result is actually pretty good. Max takes seconds because they didn’t have lunch and prays Jack won’t be mad with him to have gained some weight.</p><p>They take a walk after dinner, and Monaco is busy and very much alive, unlike Rome, during the summer. People gather around in restaurants and clubs, and the streets are packed with passers-by strolling around, chatting loudly. Max didn’t miss the chaos of the city at all, and the air seems to grow hotter the more they stand among people, so he pleads Daniel to go to the beach.</p><p>The atmosphere is suddenly quieter and more peaceful, their surrounding getting darker from the absence of street lamps. The crescent moon hangs there in the pitch-blackness of the sky and its light creates a long corridor on the waves.</p><p>Max sits so close to the shore that his shoes are almost wet, and lays his head on Daniel's shoulder, sighing.</p><p>“Do you remember when we came here after the Monaco race and watched the sunrise? I think it’s even the same beach,” Daniels points out and wraps an arm around Max’s shoulders to keep him closer.</p><p>“Of course, that night was awesome. You were so wasted though; I thought you didn’t remember a thing.”</p><p>“Speak for yourself. I can handle vodka very well.”</p><p>“Yeah, <em>so well</em> you fell asleep on me at six in the morning and I had to carry your body up to your apartment. You could have died choking on your vomit if it weren’t for me.”</p><p>“<em>Oh, my saviour. </em>How could I ever repay you for such a kind gesture?” and Daniel leans slowly to kiss him, but Max chuckles and fiercely smashes their lips together.</p><p>“Wanna go for a swim?” Dan suggests after they have pulled apart. The Dutchman laughs at the proposition, but his friend is already taking off his socks and his shoes along with the t-shirt, and the second after he is right under the water. Max thinks he is crazy.</p><p>“C’mon, the water is lovely, Maxy!” and Daniel extends his arm in an inviting gesture, just like in Max’s dream. He takes off his clothes and joins his friend between the tides.</p><p> </p><p>The come back home at nearly one am and their clothes are soaking wet, leaving little droplets behind on the wooden floor. They have laughed all their way back to the apartment because one of Daniel’s crazy stories about Australia and they try to control their giggles to not wake the neighbours up. They strip bare in the bedroom, and remember they haven’t unpacked yet, so Dan steals a pair of Max’s briefs and sleeps shirtless; they don’t even bother taking a shower.</p><p>“Max, I–,” Daniel talks before switching the light off, but shakes his head like to shove away the thought. “Nevermind, it can wait until tomorrow,” and he kisses him before the younger one can reply.</p><p>Max doesn’t know what he wanted to say, but notices that Daniel keeps him closer to his chest than he has ever done before that night.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>He wakes up extremely good the day after and maybe Daniel’s good-morning-blowjob could be the reason. He hasn’t noticed it until he opened his eyes and felt something warm around his erection, so he looked down and found Dan smiling at him with his mouth full.</p><p>“Good morning to you,” Dan says languidly and kisses his lips while Max is still panting. “I can return the favour if you want,” he answers but he feels like gelatine and his mind is still hazed by the orgasm.</p><p>“Nah, I’m a grown-up boy. I can take care of it in the shower,” and with a final peck on his cheek, Daniel is off to the bathroom. Max presses his hand against his eyes and smiles on the pillow. He wonders how it would be to always wake up like this.</p><p> </p><p>He is preparing breakfast when he sees the phone lighting up on the kitchen table; he’s making coffee, and he moves closer to see whom it is.</p><p>
  <strong>Mom ♥: I’m so happy for you honey! Hope you are well and finally satisfied with your decision. Miss you lots!!! [delivered 10:13]</strong>
</p><p>When he reads the message is already too late to discover it’s not his phone, but then it dings with another message.</p><p>
  <strong>Scotty: fucking finally mate! Istg I was so fed up with red bull myself. Glad u r happy tho. Keep it on!! [delivered 10:14]</strong>
</p><p>Max is shocked by the amount of messages that keep coming on Dan’s phone and he can’t even process what is happening until the final blow drops and he sees the name “Cyril” appearing on the screen, calling.</p><p>His mind goes in autopilot after that and he scrambles to his bedroom for his iPhone. He opens Instagram and the news is the first thing he sees.</p><p>
  <strong> <em>BREAKING: DANIEL RICCIARDO SIGNS FOR RENAULT</em> </strong>
</p><p>He stares at the screen and focuses on each word like he has suddenly lost the ability to read. His breath speeds up while he stands at the end of the bed, and the tears are already forming at the corner of his eyes. His brain is racing at light speed, and his thoughts are a bundle of fuckfuckfuck and shitshitshit, and he thinks he can see smoke coming out from his ears in the mirror in front of him.</p><p>He tries to recollect the past few days and Max slowly tries to put the pieces together.</p><p>Fuck, that’s whom he was talking about the first time he arrived at his house. Cyril. Daniel was all happy and smiley that morning on the phone, but when Max came back from the supermarket and noticed him, he suddenly ended the call, fearing that he would find out.</p><p>And in Rome, too. The night Daniel took him to Villa Borghese, when he couldn’t stop looking at his phone. It was that. And all the decisions he was talking about, it was him deciding to leave Red Bull or not.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>He is on the verge of screaming out in anguish when he feels a hand on his knee and lifts his face. Daniel is standing there, crouched, with his hair still wet from the shower and his eyes full of concern. “What happened, Max? Are you okay?” he asks almost whispering.</p><p>He laughs mirthlessly about the absurdity of the question. Daniel is asking <em>him</em> what happened as if he would know; he stares deadly into his face and then his temper takes control of his body and he pins the Aussie onto the wall by his t-shirt.</p><p>“Are you really asking <em>me</em> what happened? Have you lost your memory in the last twenty-four hours?” Max spits with venom, and the grip on Dan’s t-shirt doesn’t loosen up for a second. “That would explain why you fucking forgot to tell me you’re signing out of Red Bull, uh?”</p><p>His friend looks terrified, and he doesn’t even blink when realisation starts to hit him.</p><p>“Fuck, Max– I– I told Cyril to wait. Fuck, I’m sorry you had to–,” but Daniel doesn’t finish his sentence because Max is pushing him into the wall again, and the Aussie feels small, even if Max is taller than him by mere centimetres.</p><p>“I’m tired of your excuses! You apologies won’t fix anything!” he shouts in his face, and their noses are almost touching by the proximity. He feels betrayed and angry, and he just wants to snap out of his nightmare and wakes up in the Rome’s bedroom again.</p><p>“I can’t believe I’ve fallen for your bullshit again! That’s what it was all about: you coming here with the stupidest reason, the vacation, Rome and <em>the fucking sex</em>. Because it was a pity fuck, right? You needed to have me one last time before leaving, yeah? God, you are so pathetic!” and Max leaves the grip on Daniel, making his feet finally touch the ground.</p><p>Tears are rolling down his cheeks, and his heart threatens to burst out of his chest. “You come here, and you trick me to play fucking boyfriends with you and then you always walk away as nothing has ever happened, like in fucking December! I’m tired!”</p><p>He paces around the room, not breaking eye contact with Daniel for one second, eager to hear his responses to that. No. <em>His lies</em>.</p><p>“You self-absorbed prick,” he begins because now he is fucking fuming as well and can’t stand there dealing with the blow of Max’s words without defending himself.  “For fuck’s sake, you think it was easy for me? <em>Really</em>? Fuck, can you at least pretend you cared for me a bit?” and Max wants to reply to that because it isn’t true but Daniel doesn’t make him speak.</p><p>“No. Now you keep your goddamn mouth shut and listen to me. Fuck–,” he runs a hand between his hair, pulling a little at his curls and trying to reorganise his thoughts.  “You know because I left you last year? Because I realised I couldn’t do it. And I know it sounds fucking cliché but it wasn’t you, it was me.”</p><p>Daniel takes a big breath and then vomits the following words on Max’s pavement.</p><p>“After– after Jules, I– I promised myself I would never love someone like that <em>again</em>, god forbid if they were in the sport like me, too. And it– It wasn’t like us, no, we were just really good friends and I fucking hold onto him like a brother and when– when he fucking died I thought I had died with him as well that day.</p><p>You saw me, Max; you saw how I become every time Suzuka approaches, and I couldn’t fucking bear the pain anymore. I tried to go on at my own rules, drinking myself to oblivion or fucking screaming in the pillow to let the anger out, and it got worse as time passed. Thank god Michael helped me to find a good therapist because I couldn’t keep doing that shit to myself anymore, and it worked, it fucking worked. I was finally in a place where I could be happy without blaming myself to not think about Jules every goddamn second of my life.</p><p>But then you came, and I hated you. God, you were so young, and invincible, and so fucking naïve about what the future could hold for you, but I know– I know it’s reasonable to feel like that at eighteen, and maybe I was jealous about your light-heartedness, that’s all, but the thing is that I kept seeing Jules in you and I couldn’t fucking believe you were here with me, and he was not anymore.</p><p>I swear to god I fell in love with you within <em>days</em>, and I didn’t even realise it the first time around. I keep telling myself “Oh, c’mon Daniel get a grip he is fucking ten years younger than you, it will pass” but then it fucking didn’t and I was so miserable. Yeah, we fooled around, we kissed and then we fucked, and I was happy, but I couldn’t bear the weight of losing another person.</p><p>That morning when I left you, I didn’t sleep the whole night because I kept staring at you and thinking about the endless things that could happen; and I know you were worthy everything, because I fucking love you, but I needed to put myself first or the thing would have brought down both of us.”</p><p>Daniel is sobbing by now, and he takes in the face in his hands while sitting at the end of the bed, finally relieved without this burden on his heart.</p><p>Max stands in the centre of the room, motionless, trying to absorb everything he has heard. Fuck, he didn’t know Dan felt like this and he feels guilt for not noticing before. His friend has always been by his side when he needed him, and he is sorry if Daniel didn’t understand that the thing went both ways.</p><p>But the thing that broke Max the most was that the Aussie said he did everything because he loves him.</p><p>Him, as in Max Verstappen.</p><p>The same person that people describe as cold, hasty, and short-tempered.</p><p>Him.</p><p>Max thinks his brain short-circuited at that, because nobody has ever said that to him, apart from his mother, and surely didn’t expect it from Daniel. He has never thought he could cry because of three simple words.</p><p>“C’mon Daniel, calm down. It’s okay, c’mon, I didn’t know,” Max tries to comfort him while taking off the Aussie’s hands from his face.</p><p>“And– And I swear to god the vacation wasn’t meant to be anything like that– it wasn’t– it wasn’t a goodbye, I just missed you so much, and–,” Daniel says between sobs and Max takes him between his arms on the bed.</p><p>“I’m sorry to have said that. C’mon stop crying, we’re okay.”</p><p>He kisses his forehead and brushes his short hair on the nape of his neck, trying to calm his sobs. Max’s t-shirt has a damp spot on the shoulder when Daniel pulls apart, and he grimaces at the thing. “Sorry, I’m a mess,” he whispers with a hoarse voice and Max can’t believe he is apologising for that, so he strokes his cheek in reassurance. He doesn’t want to see him like this.</p><p>It’s already past lunchtime but they don’t feel hungry, so they lay on the mattress between each other’s arms, while their shallow breaths fill the apartment. It’s Max who breaks the silence first, but he thinks it is something Daniel needs to hear.</p><p>“Daniel.”</p><p>“Mh?”</p><p>“I love you, too.”</p><p>And with that, the Aussie is a waterfall once again, but this time his tears are for the relief and joy he feels hearing those words. They’ve never said it to one another, and Max thinks he feels complete for the first time in his life.</p><p>“I love you so fucking much, you can’t even imagine,” Dan answers back and he kisses him softly on his lips, with his cheeks red and tears still rolling down.</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>It’s a strange moment the quiet after the storm, because you know something has just happened and you want to make it disappear in a matter of seconds, with a snap of fingers. It’s even worse though if the black clouds are still hanging in the sky and it seems they don’t want to leave.</p><p>They try to spend the rest of the day without actually thinking about the big question of Dan leaving Red Bull for Renault, and the Aussie switches his phone off to ignore the rest of the world as well. Max orders some pizzas that barely resemble the ones they have eaten in Italy, and invites Daniel to play some COD on his Playstation, hoping that killing people would take their minds off for the time.</p><p>In all honesty, it works in some way, because they stay up until one shooting heads off and cheering at each other for their achievements, and when they hit the bed they feel tired but strangely calm.</p><p>It’s worldly known though, that patience isn’t one of Max’s greatest qualities, so he drops the question as soon as they are between sheets. “We have to talk about it sooner or later, so why not now,” he says stroking Daniel’s cheek. “It’s not I’m eager to know why, but I want to know if it’s me, the problem.”</p><p>Max has feared this all the time he has been his teammate because he knows they are both excellent drivers and competitive as fuck, but he can’t deny that Red Bull has shifted his attention to him recently, and Dan clearly doesn’t deserve a second driver treatment.</p><p>“Of course not, Maxy. It’s just that the atmosphere has become…suffocating. I don’t know how to explain it,” but Max understands perfectly because it is what he feels every time he sees Horner or Marko talking to Daniel.</p><p>“I needed a change, and since I know you will soon become their most talented driver of all time, I said “why not”, I’m better off without them. I’m glad for everything they’ve done for me, really, but it’s not I have to repay them. Have I thrown my career down to the toilet? Who knows, but I’m happy with my decision, and I can’t wait to see you shine next year.”</p><p>Max feels comforted by Dan’s words and loves to see the determination that sparkle in his eyes. He kisses his mouth to let him know it.</p><p>“In addition, Cyril pays me <em>a lot</em>, so expect some luxury vacations baby,” Daniel shouts and they laugh in the still air of the night.</p><p> </p><p>“Dan,” Max speaks before they are falling asleep.</p><p>“Yeah, love?”</p><p>“You know what I wished for when we threw the coins in the Trevi Fountain?”</p><p>“Uh, no. What?”</p><p>“I wished for happiness, and I think the Fountain works because it gave me you.”</p><p>“Oh. It is really magic, yeah? Because I wished for someone to love me and you appeared.”</p><p>They chuckle about how cheesy they sound, and then Max teases him back once again. “Wait, didn’t you say you wished for a girl waiting for you in LA? What if she is the one that loves you?”</p><p>“Shut up, it was only an excuse.”</p><p>“Are you sure? I mean–”</p><p>“Can you please drop it and go to sleep?”</p><p>“Okay.”  “I love you, Dan.”</p><p>“I love you too, Max.”</p><p> </p><p>*</p><p> </p><p>Max dreams for the third time in a month the same beach where he met Daniel not so long ago. This time though they are neither between the tides nor watching the horizon, but they are simply sitting on the shore with Max sprawled between the Aussie’s thighs, while he stares at the water crawling on the sand.</p><p>He twists his neck to watch Daniel in the face. “How long are we going to stay here?” the light wind ruffles his golden hair and the Aussie lowers his head to whisper something in his ear.</p><p>“As long as you want to.”</p><p> </p><p>
  
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>We finally did it folks :') I really hope you liked it as much as I did it while writing it. Thanks for the support &lt;3<br/>You can find my tumblr <a href="https://vershstappen.tumblr.com/">here.</a></p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>"Ancora quanto per il centro?" – How much since we arrive at the city centre? </p>
<p>"Dieci minuti. Mi dispiace, ma Roma è così. Inoltre è Agosto, e le persone si stanno spostando sulla costa per l’estate." – Ten minutes. I’m sorry, but Rome is like this. In addition it’s August, so people is moving to the coast for the summer.</p>
<p>"Oh, Daniel. Finalmente ci conosciamo." – Oh, Daniel. We finally meet.</p>
<p>"Zitto, stronzo." – Shut up, jerk.</p>
<p> <br/>Me: I don’t like clichés<br/>Also me: …and there was only one bed.</p>
<p>Thank you so much for reading, remember to leave kudos and comments! &lt;3<br/>You can find my tumblr <a href="https://vershstappen.tumblr.com/">here.</a><br/> </p></blockquote></div></div>
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